


fear leads to anxiety, don't know what's inside of me

by NasdaqandtheStocks



Series: Higher standards, Lowered expectations [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Baby Pilot, Depression, F/M, Minor Violence, Mpreg, Slow Build, Surprise! - Freeform, Tyler's a baby mama, What Have I Done, it's probably trash, lets just roll with it, like me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-09-28 13:44:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10107185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NasdaqandtheStocks/pseuds/NasdaqandtheStocks
Summary: It's a story I made and wow...I just...I'm sorry





	1. I wake up Fine and Dandy

_Robi. Their son. A sweet little baby boy. Their baby boy. He was five months old and they loved him to death. Not literally. Tyler and Jenna were so happy together, especially with Robi around._

_They were cuddling downstairs on the couch in the dark, watching some movie._

_Tyler looked at Jenna. "What are you thinking about?" He says noticing the thoughtful look on Jenna's face._

_"Robi." She replies with a smile._

_He smiles. "Me too."_

_"He's growing up so fast though. It feels like he was born just yesterday." She smiles sadly._

_Tyler stares at the tv, not paying attention to the movie at all._

_"Was it hard? For you?" Tyler asks, staring blankly._

_"Wha-"_

_"How did it feel to watch?" Tyler says, smile completely gone._

_"Babe, what are you talking about? I don't know what you mean. Are you okay? You're scaring me." Jenna scoots away from Tyler a little bit, suddenly feeling threatened._

_He turns his head slowly towards her. "Jenna I'm not an idiot. You should've known that I would've found out. So how did it feel." He says, more of a statement than a question._

_"How did what feel, Tyler? You're making no sense!" Jenna says utterly confused._

_"How did it feel when you killed our child!" Tyler yells._

_There's crying. Robi is screaming. Jenna feels a sharp pain in her stomach and looks down. There's a knife, and she's holding onto the handle, forcing it deeper into her abdomen._

_Robi's screaming gets louder. Tyler is staring at her, eyes glowing a furious red._

_"Why did you kill him?" Tyler screams at her with tears in his eyes. He takes out a knife and stabs her chest, right through her heart._

Jenna wakes up screaming and sweating. Tears streaming down her face like rivers. Her eyes are sealed shut as she refuses to open them.

She can feel someone shaking her. She cries louder.

"Jenna. Jenna hey. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here." She clearly recognizes that it's Tyler.

She opens her eyes, trembling. Her eyes have to adjust to the sudden flood of light but it doesn't matter anyway, because the tears make it so that she can't see.

She looks over at Tyler, his eyes tired looking, purplish bags under them.

"I'm sorry Tyler, I'm sorry! I-I killed him! I'm sorry." Jenna sobs, placing her hands over her face.

 

Tyler pulls her into his arms, rocking her from side to side. He kisses the top of her head and closes his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I-I just I-"

"Shhh. It's okay."

Neither of them have gotten any good sleep since the accident. He'd stay awake, thinking about it and she'd wake up with nightmares. He knew she was miserable. He was used to lack of sleep though. But not under these circumstances.

Jenna calms down, slowly but surely. They sit in the same position for a long time. Tyler checks the clock and it's 4 in the morning. He looks back at Jenna and she's staring blankly at the wall.

He doesn't realize it, but he starts crying. He tries to keep it hidden from Jenna, so that she doesn't get upset again.

He loves her so much, but it's hurting him to know that he can't help her.

*

 

Dr. Narcos examines Jenna as she sits in the chair, staring at the floor.

"How are you today Jenna?" Dr. Narcos asks. Jenna tilts her head, looking up at her.

Somehow Jenna is appalled by this question. It makes it seem like she was asking if she finally got over what happened. Like she asked if she just forgot about what happened and was perfectly fine.

Jenna just stares at her. Dr. Narcos writes something down on her notepad. The same notepad she's been using for five months since the therapy with Jenna started.

"Okay. Well…just tell me about this week. Like you always do here."

Jenna looks up at the ceiling. "My weeks are always the same. Like I always tell you, nothing changes. I keep Tyler awake all night long because I had to be so irresponsible. Because I killed our son. Because I…I can't help but spread misery through everyone I love because of my mistake. That's my week since you so kindly asked." Jenna snaps huffing angrily, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

Dr. Narcos scribbles in her notebook. Jenna gets annoyed by this.

"Why do you have to write every * thing I say? Does it benefit you? What does it do? Huh? Tell me!" She yells leaning forward, waiting for an answer. She rarely swears, but she couldn't help it.

"It's-It's to see if there is any progression in the patient's mental state. That's all." Dr. Narcos stutters.

"Mm. Okay. I'm done."

*

 

Josh was staying over at their house for the time being. He knew that they were struggling and he knew they were desperately in need of help.

When Tyler found out about the accident, they were on stage, in Michigan. Josh didn't know what was going on, because he didn't get the message via ear piece.

Ode to sleep was playing and an urgent message came through Tyler's earpiece. Tyler stopped singing. For a moment he stopped breathing. It took the audience a little while to realize it, but they stopped cheering. Then Josh stopped playing on his drums. Tyler fell to the floor crying. Josh ran over to Tyler and tried to comfort his friend. The crowd erupted in hushed tones and gasps as Josh helped Tyler off of the stage.

Soon appeared Mark on the stage with a microphone, trying to explain as best as he could the situation without giving up too much information.

Tyler and Josh were in the back, Josh trying to help Tyler calm down. Tyler had a panic attack, and Josh didn't know what to do.

That night, the show was cut short and everyone went home concerned. They hadn't been on tour since and that was almost six months ago.

The clique seemed understanding when the rest of the tour got called off, seeing from the supporting tweets they received, and Josh was grateful.

Josh had left his place in LA to make sure the two of them were ok. They weren't.

Every night he would hear screaming and crying and apologies from Jenna. It was awful.

He knew that Tyler barely slept because he was too worried about Jenna. He knew that Jenna was suffering greatly and he knew Tyler wanted to help but he couldn't. Shoot, everyone wanted to help. All the crew. They visited occasionally. Jenna's parents stopped by twice a week to check on Jenna. Josh would always answer the door for them. Tyler's parents came too. It was just an awful situation.

Josh was sitting in the room fiddling with a pencil. Occasionally tapping it on his knee. He got the sudden urge to get up and leave the room.

He didn't have much to do. He was on his phone most of time. Checking Instagram, Twitter. He wasn't as active as he used to be on social media nowadays. He helped get stuff for Tyler and Jenna though, since they weren't in the best state to go out.

Today wasn't one of those days though.

He realized that he had to use the rest room. He knew that was kind of silly, not knowing that you had to use the bathroom, but he wasn't thinking about himself at all today. He goes into the bathroom and sees Tyler, sitting in the bathtub, with a notebook, tapping his pencil against it rapidly.

Tyler doesn't pay much attention to Josh as he comes in. His mind is racing with a million fragments of, he feels as though he might explode.

"Hey." Josh says, stepping into the bathroom. Tyler looks over at Josh's legs, not bothering to look up at his face.

"Can I…sit?" Josh asks politely. Tyler doesn't reply, so Josh sits on the floor next to the bathtub.

They just sit there, Josh staring at his jammed fingers, and Tyler staring into space, or into the depths of his mind. He doesn't know.

"You know in our songs when I say I know of pain? Well I was wrong. I don't know. I've never known. What I was feeling was self pity and self doubt. The worst pain is the pain of others Josh." Tyler looks over at Josh, his eyes somewhere else.

Josh doesn't know what to say to him. It hurts him to see his friends suffering like this.

They sit in silence. Nobody moves, Josh isn't even sure that Tyler is breathing.

"Josh?" Tyler breaks the silence.

"Yes?"

"Will this ever get better?" Tyler is staring at the tile of the shower.

"I-I don't-"

"It's okay," Tyler sighs,"You don't have to answer. I know it won't."

*

 

It's Wednesday. Tyler is downstairs making something, Josh and Jenna are upstairs. Josh is sleeping and Jenna is sitting in her room, thinking.

She goes downstairs with a sudden thought in her head. Tyler glances at her as she approaches him.

"Hey." He turns back around to the stove.

"Why are you still here? With me?"

Tyler spins around facing Jenna. "What? Jenna, why would you ask that?"

"All I'm doing is hurting you. I want you to be free from this! I don't want to keep doing this to you. I need someone to be happy!"

Tyler shakes his head and leans over the counter. "I could never leave you. I love you Jenna. We're in this together."

"No! You aren't listening to me!" Jenna yells at him knocking a glass off of the counter. It shatters on the floor, and Tyler flinches as the glass scatters everywhere.

"Why don't you just leave? I can't keep doing this to you! I love you too much to see you hurt. I want you to sleep! I-I know you'd be happier without me! Why won't you just do this for me!" Jenna starts crying. Tyler forces back tears. He goes around the counter and takes Jenna in his arms.

"I will NEVER EVER leave you. I love you too much and you know that. I don't care if I lose sleep. I've done it before. I won't be happier without you. I know that for a fact. And there's nothing you or anyone else can say to change my mind. I care about you too much." Tyler holds Jenna in his arms, crying. He hears the sobs of Jenna and he cries a little harder.

They stand there, holding each other, crying.

*


	2. I'll never be, be what you see inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'Fake you out' by twenty one pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trouble

6 months later

Jenna is still going through therapy. She doesn't admit it to anyone, but it's helping her cope with the situation. Tyler has joined in with some of the sessions. Having been to therapy before, he'd known how to act.

They were getting better. Being more flirty towards each other. They had good nights together. They did…things.

There were less nightmares. Tyler started to get sleep again. Jenna could relax and do the things she enjoyed.

There was still pain. Jenna still had doubts. About Tyler loving her. But he always assures her that he does and he always will. That's what most of their arguments are about.

It's Wednesday evening, and Tyler and Josh went out to get food. Jenna decided that she wanted to stay home.

She was walking around the house, just wandering around. She hadn't really done that in a while. She used to do that when she was bored. Just to look around.

She walks around her and Tyler's room, looking at the bed. Neatly made. She looks at the side of it. Her nightstand has a small notebook on it and an empty glass.

She looks at Tyler's side. His nightstand is somewhat organized. There are notebooks and papers scattered over it. Papers were sticking out of the drawer. She smiles at her husbands organized mess. He'd tell her that he knew where everything was. She just let it go after that.

She moves over to one of the dressers. On top of it are snow globes which both she and Tyler have collected through their travels.

There are a few knick knacks on there from the clique too. There are a lot of things from the fans around the house. Jenna always thought the boys had great fans.

She moves into the bathroom and flicks the lights on. Tyler's stuff is on the left and her stuff is on the right of the counter. She looks at herself in the mirror. She quickly looks away. She never really liked looking at herself in the mirror.

She opens the cabinet and sees the unorganized mess of miscellaneous products. Tyler's been here. She thinks to herself.

Jenna kneels down and starts rearranging the cabinet. Some hair stuff, cleaning supplies, makeup.

She picks up a circular container filled with pills. She examines it with a startled look, already knowing what it is.

She knows they aren't hers, because hers are in her nightstand, but she goes to check anyway.

Jenna rushes over to her nightstand utterly confused as to what's going on. She pulls the drawer open and immediately sees her pills.

"What the *?" No one else living in the house needs birth control pills. Unless…Josh hid them there for some girl? But why would he hide them in their bathroom instead of his own?

Jenna was trying so hard not to point fingers at Tyler. She dreaded the thought of Tyler cheating on her. She knew it wasn't true though…was it?

Josh and Tyler were off to Chipotle to get dinner for the three of them. Josh volunteered to drive and Tyler didn't stop him. Tyler hated cars. Ever since the accident, he's hated driving.

They were almost to the restaurant.

"Burrito!" Josh says, tapping his hands on the steering wheel.

"Nah man. Bowl. That's it." Tyler opposes.

Suddenly a wave of nausea goes through Tyler. He puts a hand over his forehead and leans against the window of the passengers side.

They park in front of Chipotle. Josh looks over at Tyler smiling, but drops it when he sees Tyler's face.

"What's wrong?" Josh asks, concerned.

"Mm, nothing." Tyler says opening the door, lying through his teeth.

Josh looks at Tyler. He sighs and gets out of the car. He knows he isn't okay, but he also knows that Tyler is stubborn so Josh stops trying.

They walk into the restaurant with the scent of good food filling their noses. There are a few people in line in front of them, but they figure it shouldn't take long.

"I'm so hyped right now. You don't even know." Josh says smiling. He hops around a little bit showing that he has little chill in the moment.

"Cool." Tyler says. Josh looks at him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Dude, I know something is wrong. Just tell me. Do you want to go back home or-" Josh doesn't get to finish his sentence before Tyler is running off towards the bathrooms.

Stunned for a moment, Josh hurries after him, starting to worry. Everyone's eyes follow him as he runs after his best friend.

He enters the bathroom and looks around. He hears someone heaving in one of the stalls and assumes it's Tyler.

He rushes over to the stall and peeks through the door. Tyler is hunched over the toilet seat gagging.

"Bro are you okay?" Josh says through the crack. He knows he isn't, but he asked on impulse.

"Yeah I'm f-" Tyler can't finish his answer before throwing up again. Josh closes his eyes and flinches.

"Do you want me to call Jenna to come pick you up?" Josh asks quietly.

Tyler shakes his head and sits back. Josh looks at him.

"Do you still want me to get you something? Even if it's just for later?"

"I can get it myself." Tyler stands up and flushes the toilet. He wipes his mouth with his hand and then looks at it, disgusted.

Josh moves out of Tyler's way and looks at him kind of confused. He was acting like he was perfectly fine even though he was just throwing up his insides.

Tyler finished washing his hands and looks at him. "What? Are you gonna go or not?"

Josh just stands there for a moment and then opens the door.

*

 

Jenna is sitting downstairs at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and just thinking to herself. Trying to think of a logical explanation for those pills.

She hears the front door open and she snaps out of the mini trance she was in. She sees Tyler and Josh standing by the front door.

"Food!" She hears Josh say as he comes closer to her. He sets the bag on the counter.

"Fiesta!" Tyler says, following behind Josh.

"Mm. Thank you. What took you guys so long?" Jenna asks looking at her coffee mug.

"What do you mean? We weren't gone that long." Tyler says, handing Jenna her food.

"It took you guys like 30 minutes, so yeah, it did take you that long."

Jenna says.

Tyler shrugs. Josh goes over to sit on the couch and Tyler sits at the table near Jenna.

Jenna tries to push away the thoughts on her discovery. She just wants to eat her food and be happy. But since she can't seem to do that, she decides that she'll ask Josh about it later.

She's too suspicious to drop anything now.

*

 

Josh is sitting in his room watching tv when he hears a knock on his door.

"Yes?" He says politely. The door slowly opens and he sees Jenna peek in.

He turns the volume down on the tv and looks at her.

"Hey Josh I've got a quick question." Jenna says leaning against the door frame.

"Yeah go ahead." He says smiling. She holds up a round container full of pills. Josh tilts his head.

"So, uh, I found these in my bathroom in the cabinet. Did you…put them there for someone?" Jenna asks with a straight face.

Confused, Josh answers, "No. You know I'm temporarily forever alone, right?"

"I mean I just didn't know if there was some girl and if you were…you know, doin' the do with you know who." Jenna says trying to keep it rated g.

Josh can feel his face get hot. "No! No. I- no." Josh looks away from Jenna in embarrassment.

"Okay, well, I have a problem now. Thank you Josh." Jenna swiftly closes the door. Josh could see a look of frustration on her face.

That was weird. Josh knows how much Tyler loves Jenna, because he always talks about her. But there is something really wrong with that question.

He turns the volume to the tv back up and pushes those thoughts away.

*

 

Tyler is sitting on the bed looking through some fan art from the clique. He sees Jenna come in with something in her hand. She quickly rushes to the bathroom and returns empty handed. Tyler just dismisses it.

Jenna gets in the bed and looks at the fan art. "Nice. Who's it from?"

"It's from someone named Danielle. She sent a letter with it, but I don't want to read it without Josh." Tyler says analyzing it.

"Hm. Looks good." Jenna says. She looks at it with him.

"Jenna." Tyler says looking at Jenna. She looks him straight in the eyes. He smiles at her. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She says instantly. She smiles but looks away. He notices the head motion and gets concerned.

"Are you okay?" Tyler asks Jenna, taking her hand in his and gently squeezing it.

"Yeah…you know, I'm just tired. I'm gonna go to sleep." She glances at him briefly before turning around in the bed and turning her lamp off.

He knows it isn't just her being tired. She was practically avoiding him. But why? Did she find out?

"Okay…goodnight." He says, staring at the back of her head. She's got the prettiest hair. She's the prettiest girl in the world.

But the prettiest girl in the world knows something.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am I doing with my life frens?


	3. How will I know if he really loves me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'How will I know' by Whitney Houston

Jenna was more suspicious over the course of the month. Tyler would go out more often and he'd travel more, leaving Josh and Jenna in the house together.

"I'll only be gone for a day or two." He'd tell her, even though he wouldn't tell her where he was going.

She asked him a few times, but she felt like she was being pushy. She didn't want to be one of those wives who was controlling and always asked where their spouse was. But she also didn't want to be one of those wives who sat at home while their husband was somewhere living it up with some other woman.

Jenna just feared for their relationship. She didn't want there to be secrets between her and Tyler. She didn't want him to not be able to trust her. And even if he came back home right now and called it off, she'd be upset yes, but she'd understand.

Once again, Tyler was out somewhere doing who knows what. Josh was in his room, playing on his drums. Jenna could hear it from downstairs. She could probably hear it from the basement if she went down there. But she didn't mind. It was nice hearing cymbals crash. It was nice having a distraction from her worrying about Tyler.

She wasn't doing anything downstairs. She just came down there and sat on the couch, listening.

Josh stops playing, but Jenna doesn't notice. She's too deep in her thoughts to notice that or to notice the front door opening. Or to notice Tyler walk in the room.

"Hey." He says to Jenna, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

She jolts to his touch, fairly startled since she wasn't paying attention.

"Hi, sorry. I was just…thinking."

Tyler sits down next to her on the couch. "Yeah? What about?"

She couldn't tell him the truth, no. But then she would be contradicting herself. But she just wanted to wait it out and see…

"Don't worry about it. My mind just went places it shouldn't go. You know?" She wasn't lying. She gives him a forced smile, hoping he can't see through it.

"Yeah." He looks down at the ground.

Josh comes downstairs, keys jingling in his hand. "Hey Tyler." Josh says casually.

Tyler looks up at him. "Hey fren."

"I'm gonna head out. I may or may not go to the grocery store. Do you guys need anything?" Josh asks, tossing the keys in his hands.

"Mm, no. Wait! Cereal." Jenna says.

"Club crackers please." Tyler asks giving Josh a thumbs up.

"Okay cool. See ya." Josh waves at them while heading out the door.

Tyler turns his attention to Jenna who is staring at the wall.

"Are you okay?" He asks her concerned. She nods her head slowly, even though she's not.

She's thinking too much.

Jenna goes upstairs and Tyler follows. She was hoping for some more time alone, even though she missed Tyler. She just needs to collect her thoughts and throw them out.

She plops on the bed, taking out a notebook and a pencil.

She's never felt as poetic as Tyler, and frankly she never tries to be. She thinks her own poetry is too cheesy for the consumption of other human minds, so she just writes. Sometimes stories and other times her worries or just the things that happened in her day.

Tyler sits on the bed next to her. He glances at the notebook. Jenna is staring at the paper. Her expression is as blank as the page. She just doesn't want to write anymore.

Tyler lets out a groan that concerns Jenna. It doesn't sound good. It sounds like pain. She looks over at him to see him with his eyes closed, holding his stomach.

"Bade are you alright?" She says putting a hand on his back.

As soon as her hand makes contact with him he jumps off the bed and bolts to the bathroom.

Extremely concerned, Jenna runs right after him. She sees him leaned over the toilet throwing up. She kneels down beside him and rubs his back.

"Oh my gosh Tyler are you alright?" Jenna asks, wanting to face palm because obviously that was a dumb question.

"Gee, I don't know. Do I look-" he's interrupted by a fit of gagging.

"I wish Josh was back. We really need crackers. Was it something you ate? Was it something I made?" Jenna feels a pang of guilt, because the last thing she wants is to make her husband sick.

He just shakes his head and throws up some more. Jenna keeps rubbing his back.

"Babe I'm sorry you don't feel good." She stands up, "I'll be right back."

Jenna runs out of the bathroom and heads to the other bathroom. She looks through the cabinet to see if she can find anything that will help him. She takes some Excedrin and runs downstairs.

She looks through the fridge for some lemonade, but comes up short.

"Dang it!" She yells seemingly at the fridge like it did something wrong.

She takes a water bottle instead and runs back upstairs. She finds Tyler sitting up against the wall, sweating.

"Here." She hands him the water bottle and the Excedrine.

"I'm fine." Tyler says, refusing Jenna's help.

"I just watched you throw up everything. I don't care if you feel fine or not. You need to stay hydrated." Jenna stands there looking down at him.

Reluctantly, he opens the water bottle, takes the medicine, and drinks the water afterwards.

"Thank you." Jenna says, putting her hands on her hips. "Now you're going to bed."

"What?! No way! I'm fine. See." Tyler stands up, stumbling.

Jenna crosses her arms unconvinced. Tyler sighs and lazily walks towards the bed. He sits on the bed and gives Jenna a pouty look. "But I'm fine."

"Sleep." Is all she says. He sighs and lays down. "I'm gonna come and check on you occasionally, so you better be asleep." She says heading out of the room.

"Yes mom." That makes her smile as she closes the door to their room.

*

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" Jenna asks Tyler as he enters the family room.

"I'm okay." He sits down on the couch next to Jenna. She's watching an episode of House.

"That was weird. What happened?" Jenna says just wondering why it was so sudden. He puts his arm around her.

"Uh…I don't know. It was worse than last time." Tyler admits, staring at the tv.

"Wait."Did he say last time? "Last time? When was last time?" Jenna sits up and gives him a sort of confused and angry look.

He looks at her. She's trying to read the expression on his face. It's like he just revealed a deep secret, but he's trying to hide it. He bites his lip.

"The same thing happened last month when Josh and I went to get Chipotle." He shrugs it off like it's nothing, but it annoys Jenna.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jenna asks offended. This is exactly what she was afraid of: he doesn't want to tell her stuff.

"It wasn't a big deal. And besides, I felt fine right afterwards."

"But that isn’t the point. You didn't tell me. You didn't want to tell me something. I'm your wife. You can trust me. It doesn't matter if you were fine or not, it still hurts to think you can't trust me." Jenna stands up from off the couch. She looks at Tyler, shakes her head, then scoffs.

"I'm going to bed." She declares turning towards the stairs. It was only 8:39, but she didn't want to be awake.

"Aren't you going to eat?" He calls after her. She walks up the stairs.

"Not hungry!" She yells down to him.

"But-"

"Order a pizza." She calls as she slams the bedroom door shut. She hasn't been hungry for a few weeks now.

She's still not sure. Is he hiding something bigger than cheating?

What if…no…but maybe.

What if he had cancer?

*


	4. Is it still me that makes you sweat? Am I who you think about in bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off' by Panic! at the disco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry my writing is so sucky ya'll. I did this a while ago and it has changed...

Everyday consecutively, Jenna would wake up to the sounds of Tyler throwing up and coughing. It was like he was her sick alarm clock. But she didn't want to wake up like this.

"Go to the doctor." Jenna demanded one morning after the routine.

"I did, remember?" Tyler says rolling his eyes at Jenna. She did remember.

"But I know it isn't just a virus." Jenna insists.

"Then what is it? Huh?" Tyler snaps at her. She stares at him. "Sorry, I just-"

"No, I get it, I'm on your case. I just…I just want you to be healthy and happy." Jenna goes over and hugs him. She gives him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey. Have you been working out?" She feels his stomach.

"Uh…yeah." Tyler answers looking away.

"We never work out anymore." Jenna winks at him and smiles, hoping that he'll get the memo.

"I-I just haven't been feeling good is all." He says, sitting down at the table.

"Well, let's get you better then." Jenna says, smirking.

*

 

"Is there anything else to eat?" Tyler asks looking through the fridge. Josh and Jenna are sitting in the family room watching chain reaction and trying to compete against each other.

Jenna gets up and heads over to where Tyler is. "You just-" she stops herself. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Ha Jenna! I was right! It was card!" Josh yells and swings his arms in the air. "Woo!"

"Eat some fruit if you're hungry." She tells him, peering into the fridge herself.

"That won't work." He shakes his head at her suggestion. She'd noticed that he's been eating way more than he usually does and it makes her think that she doesn't make enough food for him.

"What's the letter?" She asks Josh.

"S, under card."

"Slot. Easy." She says to him.

"Here." She takes a container out of the fridge. "M&C. Take as much as you want." She pats him on the back and goes to sit next to Josh.

"It was slot." Josh says leaning on his hands. The show goes to commercial.

"Who's in the lead?" She asks him since she was talking to Tyler when they were going through the round.

"The girls. But it isn't surprising. Those guys don't know what they're doing!" Josh says gesturing towards the tv angrily.

"Figured."

Tyler comes over to them and sits in a recliner with a bowl of mac and cheese.

"Say your grace." Jenna reminds him. He nods his head at her.

"Can I play?" Tyler asks. Josh looks at him.

"Yeah. Even if we said no it wouldn't matter. You know how it works right?" Josh asks him, glancing back at the tv. Tyler nods his head.

The show comes back on and they all play along.

 

"Goodnight guys." Josh heads to his room, parting ways with Jenna and Tyler.

He goes into his room, closes the door, and flops on the bed. It's 9:30 pm, but he isn't tired. He just didn't want to be downstairs by himself.

He turns on the tv and scrolls through the channels. He finds himself at Disney channel. Jessie is on.

He sighs, thinking about Debby. They had broken up a long time ago because he was on tour and so was she. They never got to spend time with each other enough so they called it off. He still misses her though. He hadn't texted her in a while, but he still had her number.

He kept scrolling though. He loved her but they weren't together.

*

 

"What's your problem?" Jenna half yelled at Tyler. He just came in the room and started ranting about something.

"What's my problem? You know what my problem is!" Tyler yelled at her. All she was trying to do was make up the bed.

"Um no! I don't Tyler! Unless you tell me what's the matter then I won't know." Jenna fluffs up her pillow.

He sighs. "When you park the car, put it in the garage! I don't see why that's so hard for you!" He states angrily.

Jenna had also noticed, along with him eating more and always sleeping, that Tyler was more irritable and he got annoyed by the littlest things. It was starting to get on her nerves.

"Okay, geez! You don't have to be so moody about everything. Just calm down for once." Jenna is annoyed now. Almost every day they'd get into fights about little things that weren't worth arguing over. She was over it.

"Like, I don't understand why this is such a big deal! We've been doing this every day! Are you tired of me? Are you bored of me?" Jenna asks sitting down on the bed, tired from arguing so much.

Tyler's eyes turn soft and he goes and sits next to Jenna. She's shaking her head.

"Are-are you cheating on me?" Jenna finally had the courage to ask him that question. She didn't want to, but he just seemed so gone from her.

"Oh my gosh, Jenna no! No way! I'd never cheat on you! Why would you think that?" He asks, hugging her shoulders. She's looking at her feet.

Jenna gets up and heads to the bathroom. She opens the cabinet, takes the pills out, and heads back to the bedroom.

She holds them up. "I found these in the cabinet a month ago. They aren't mine," she throws them on the bed beside Tyler and crosses her arms, "and you're always gone. You're constantly leaving. And we never do anything together anymore! It's like you're keeping something from me and this is all I can think of!"

Tyler takes the pills and flips them in his hand. He looks up at Jenna and she can see a strange look in his eyes. She can't read it.

"I need you to come with me somewhere tomorrow. It'll explain everything, because I can't explain it myself. You wouldn't believe me."

Jenna just stands there, not knowing what to do now. "Where?"

"You'll find out tomorrow." Tyler sighs.

*

 

Tyler and Jenna get on the road at 10:30.

"Okay…so…where we're going is different than where you probably think we're going. I have an appointment at this place and I need you to be here. You need to know the truth."

Jenna was afraid of what "the truth" was. She was eager to know, but also afraid.

"It'll explain everything." Is the last thing he says for a while.

It takes them a few hours. Jenna turned the radio on to some random station. She just needed to have a distraction. Something that would fill the empty space.

But nothing could get rid of the lingering curiosity and ultimate fear between them. Jenna was anxious to find out what he's been hiding from her.

 

They arrive at whatever place they're supposed to be at. Jenna looked up at it from inside the car. It looks like a hospital. There's a sign on the building that is hard to read from where she is. It's probably something indicating where they are.

Tyler turns off the car and looks at Jenna. He has a worried look on his face. He sighs and takes the key out of the ignition.

"Please promise me that you'll still love me after this. I really need you." Tyler says, taking Jenna's hand.

"Okay…" she replies slowly. This seems bad. God please. I need you. Please don't let him have cancer.

They get out of the car. Tyler sighs and they start walking towards the entrance. As she nears the doors, she can clearly see what the purpose of the building is.

It's an ob/gyn. Why are they here?

Jenna holds in a breath as they walk in. She doesn't understand why they're here. Why they're back

here. They were getting better.

They walk up to the front desk. There's a small woman sitting there wearing blue scrubs. She's pale with freckles and short brown hair. She's typing on a computer.

Her eyes meet Tyler's and she smiles. "Tyler! You're back! Um…" she glances at a clipboard beside the computer, "Dr. Fem will be with you shortly."

The woman looks at Jenna and catches her eyes. They're deep blue. Something about her seems so relaxing.

"You must be Jenna. I'm Mindy." She puts her hand out and Jenna shakes it, "It's nice to meet you." Mindy smiles at Jenna. Jenna returns a small smile.

They head to the waiting area and sit down. There's another woman there waiting also. She looks about seven months, but Jenna doesn't know.

It reminds her of when She was pregnant with Robi. She holds in a breath, remembering what it was like. How happy they were when they found out.

"What is going on?" Jenna demands, staring fiercely at the floor. She wants answers.

"Jenna I can't-"

"Tyler!" Mindy calls him, smiling and gesturing towards a door.

They stand up, Jenna reluctantly following behind him. The woman in the waiting room is staring at them as they pass by. Tyler waves at Mindy and she nods at him as they walk through the door.

He leads her down a hallway past multiple doors. She breathes out heavily when they stop at a door. He knocks on it twice.

"Come in." A voice sounds from the other side of the door. He looks at Jenna, takes a deep breath and walks in.

It's an office. A light skinned woman with hazel eyes and soft laugh lines is looking at Tyler and Jenna.

"Hello Tyler! Sit! You must be Jenna." They sit down and Jenna shakes the doctor's hand.

Jenna observes the office. It's medium sized with furniture made out of dark wood and posters of the female body on the walls along with her certifications. There are stacks of papers on her desk along with a picture frame that is turned away from whoever is sitting in the chairs.

"I'm Dr. Fem. Tyler's Gynecologist. I've heard a lot about you." Dr. Fem introduces herself to Jenna with a smile, "Let's get started shall we?" Aren't gynecologists only for women?

 

"First things first. Tyler how are you? How are you feeling?" Dr. Fem asks Tyler, folding her hands and leaning forward on her desk.

"I'm okay. I get sick all the time and it sucks." Tyler shakes his head. Jenna looks back and forth between Tyler and the doctor.

"Okay woah. What is going on?! I'm so confused. No one is telling me anything! Aren't gynecologists only for women?" Jenna yells at both Tyler and the doctor, utterly frustrated with everything that's going on.

Tyler and Dr. Fem exchange glances. Dr. Fem sighs and changes her focus to Jenna.

"So the reason that Tyler is here is because of an abnormality in his chromosomes. It is…extremely rare. There has only been a handful of cases like this in the world. It makes it capable for him to…have babies.

"But the only way for that to work is for him to find someone who has a hormone called Estrocilitin. It's a rare hormone that only few people have. Including you. It is a one in 5 million chance that a perfect match is made."

Jenna sits back in her chair and stares at her. She crosses her arms and starts laughing.

"So what you're trying to tell me is that I, a woman, have some hormone that got my husband, with some super rare condition, pregnant. Is that what you're saying?" Jenna doesn't believe this this is either some very intricate prank or a really sick joke.

"Okay, no. Tyler, this is sick! Why would you do this? Pranks shouldn't go this far. Especially after all we've been through." Jenna huffs out a breath.

"Jenna, I'm not joking. This is for real." Tyler looks so sincere.

"No! You are! This is how you do pranks! I know you! I'm your wife!"

"Jenna...please...believe me. I'm not lying." She looks deep into his eyes. They're sad and sincere. He has a pleading look on his face.

He isn't lying. She knows he isn't.

"Oh my g- wha- oh my-" Jenna shakes her head in confusion and shock. This…this can't be right. This is illogical, physically impossible. She's at a loss for words. At a loss for direction.

She's just staring at the floor, her hands over her mouth. She wants to scream. How is one supposed to react to a situation like this?

"Jenna…" Tyler is at a loss for words, too.

"I-I need a moment." She says calmly. Jenna stands up and slowly walks out the office door and gently closes it.

"Jenna!" Tyler calls after her. She can hear the desperation in his voice but it's drowned out by the ultimate feeling of shock that is filling up in Jenna.

"Oh my gosh. Oh my." She paces around in a circle, putting her hands on her head. She's freaking out.

This explains everything except for itself which doesn't make sense but nothing makes sense anymore and that's why she's rambling on to herself and pacing around.

She'd scream if she could, but currently that isn't an option. Tyler was right; she wouldn't have believed him.

*


	5. Sometimes quiet is violent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'car radio' by twenty one pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April fools day...

He was scheduled for an ultrasound. It was an overwhelming thing for Jenna to hear, especially today. She had calmed herself down enough to be able to walk to the room with Dr. Fem and Tyler.

"I'll be right back." Dr. Fem says heading out of the room.

Jenna stares at the floor, many things running through her mind. There's one main thought that she wants to get rid of though.

This time she's in the chair waiting.

"Okay! Let's get started. Can you lay down for me." Dr. Fem tells Tyler, turning on the machine. He pulls up his shirt to reveal his stomach. His stomach slopes up a considerable amount. How did she not notice this?

"My God!" Jenna gasps. This is all too familiar.

Tyler looks at Jenna and takes her hand.

"Caution: this stuff is very cold so be prepared." Dr. Fem claims as she squeezes the blue gel on his stomach.

Jenna can feel him shiver through his hands. She shivers with him even though she isn't cold.

"Here we go." Dr. Fem places the scanner onto Tyler's stomach and starts moving it around, "Okay…right here is the head. That's the body." She points at the screen, "And you hear that? That's the heartbeat."

The heartbeat of their child. Jenna squeezes Tyler's hand as she looks at the screen with him. This is bizarre.

She moves it around some more. "Those are the legs and…these are the little arms." She says pointing to the screen some more.

"This is…wow." This whole thing still hasn't set in for Jenna. This confirmed it, sure, but it just doesn't feel real.

"So." The doctor turns off the machine and hands Tyler a towel. He wipes the stuff off of him, pulls his shirt down, and sits up. "We've been monitoring him just to make sure everything is okay. He's healthy, the baby is healthy, we're all good."

"It was found in situations like this that in men, the baby grows faster. The symptoms will be the same: nausea, fatigue etcetera. If anything happens call us." Dr. Fem tells Jenna.

"How do you deliver the baby?" Jenna asks wondering how at all natural would be possible.

"C-section, when the time comes." Dr. Fem replies to Jenna with a warm smile. "He could try to go natural but in the few cases, three have tried and one survived. You know, because men aren't exactly fit for having children. It's very dangerous."

"How far along is he?" She had no idea how long he'd been keeping this from her.

"Just about 3 months along."

Jenna just nods absentmindedly, barely picking up on what's happening.

"Do you want to know the gender of the baby?" Dr. Fem asks the couple. Tyler looks at Jenna who is staring at the doctor intensely.

"No. We'll wait." Tyler replies.

"Do you guys want pictures?"

*

 

They arrived at home a few hours later. No one said anything during the ride. The radio wasn't on. They were both prone to any type of thought that wanted to show itself.

Jenna goes in the house and runs into a spare bedroom. She closes the door and locks it.

She cries. She starts pacing frantically around the room trying to catch her breath. It's like all air has escaped her body. She can barely breathe.

She lays down on the bed trying to collect herself even though it isn't working and it probably won't work.

God, how is this possible? No one ever said anything about this in the bible. I don't understand.

"Jenna? Jenna!" Tyler knocks on the door and all he's met with is muffled sobs from Jenna.

"Jenna we need to talk about this." He calls through the door. She doesn't answer him because she needs space. She can hear the desperation in his voice and it breaks her heart.

"Jenna please…" she closes her eyes and closes her ears.

*

 

Josh is sitting downstairs eating cereal. It isn't morning anymore, but cereal is an all-day thing. Especially Reese’s puffs.

Tyler walks downstairs. Josh looks at him and sees the stressed look on his face.

"Hey Tyler. What’s wrong dude?" Josh stops eating his cereal and gives Tyler his undivided attention.

Tyler takes something out of his pocket and hands it to Josh.

He examines the pictures. "What- oh! Hey man! Congrats!" He realizes that they're ultrasound pictures, "How's Jenna feeling?"

"She's…stressed out, but not for the reasons you might think." Tyler explains to Josh. Josh looks at him confused.

"Josh, I need you to keep an open mind about what I'm about to tell you. It's very unbelievable, but it's true. This isn't a prank, just know that." Josh folds his hands around the cereal bowl, awaiting his news.

"Jenna isn't the one who's pregnant…I am." Josh stares at the table. What?

"Um what?" He asks Tyler. He must not have heard him correctly because…that's absurd.

"Yeah... There's this thing with my chromosomes that allows this to happen. So…" Josh stands up, pushing the chair back.

"I- um-" he doesn't know how to respond to that. This doesn't make sense. This doesn't make sense. Josh takes a deep breath. He needs some fresh air to clear his mind.

"I know it's hard to take, I know, but it...um...I don't know. Jenna's upstairs freaking out and I just...geez." Tyler flings his arms out and sighs.

Josh scoots away from Tyler slowly, inching towards the door. He needs to breathe.

"Where are you going?" Josh slowly inches towards the front door. He just needs a drive out. He needs to clear his head. He sees the look on Tyler's face and a wave of guilt washes over him, almost knocking him over.

"I-"

"Just go. I don't care. I thought I'd at least have you to be there for me. Jenna won't speak to me. Now you're leaving. Thanks." Tyler turns around and runs upstairs.

Josh knows he's crying. And it's his fault. His heart is pounding. He didn't want to hurt his feelings, he just needs time to process this.

But he was being selfish. He wants to kick himself because he didn't consider how Tyler feels about this. He's probably heartbroken now, thinking that no one is there for him. He's probably confused, too, because this…this is unreal.

Josh runs upstairs and knocks on Tyler's bedroom door. Hopefully Tyler will forgive him. Hopefully he's okay.

"Tyler." He says gently, "I-I'm sorry! This is just…a lot to process." He shouldn't have said that. He knew it once the words fell out of his mouth.

The door swings open and Josh steps back, slightly startled by the sudden change.

Tyler stands in the doorway. His tear streaked face twisted into a scowl that makes Josh's heart drop. He should've just left him alone.

"Oh, it's a lot to process? Well excuse me for telling you something that is too hard to handle. How do you think I feel about this? I've never heard of this happening before. I-I don't feel good most days and I feel restricted by this and it's apparently too much for you guys. But I'm sorry I thought I could confide in you because the last that I heard, best friends are supposed to be there for each other.

"Just…just leave me alone okay? Neither you nor Jenna have to look out for me anymore, especially if it's too much to handle. I can take care of myself. I don't need you!" Tyler's facial expression pierces Josh's heart. Tyler slams the door in his face, scaring him again.

Josh just stands there, troubled by the fact that he hurt his best friend so much to the point that he doesn't want to see him. Josh puts his head in his hands and slides down against the door.

He jumps when he hears loud sobbing from the other side of the door. It makes Josh's heart hurt.

He stands up quickly and tries the doorknob, trying to see if it's unlocked.

The door opens slightly and Josh holds his breath. He opens it a little more to see pillows and sheets scattered on the floor, along with a drawer with papers spilling out of it.

But he doesn't see Tyler.

He runs to the bathroom and sees the singer, sitting on the floor, his shirt pulled up and a razor in his hand. He's sobbing and spinning the razor around in his hand, little cuts scattering them.

"Tyler don't!" Josh snatches the razor from his hand. He continues to cry, looking up at Josh, his eyes red and puffy. This breaks Josh's heart even more than before.

"I don't know what to do Josh. Nobody will understand. Jenna hates me. You hate me. I don't know what to do for a baby. I-I can't live like this. My family won't love me anymore and the clique…the clique will leave me too. Everyone will think I'm a freak Josh. I-I can't live anymore!" Tyler rambles through tears and pain.

Josh sits down next to Tyler and holds him in his arms rocking from side to side. Tears spill out of Josh's eyes onto Tyler's hair.

"Don't say that! I don't hate you. I won't ever hate you! Don't ever think that. And Jenna still loves you. She's probably just…really confused. Your parents and the clique, tell them when you're ready. But…your parents should know first. Nobody needs to know unless you want them to.

"And yes you can live. And you will live. You have to stay alive, too. You'll be the best dad-mom ever. Remember how you never gave up on helping Jenna? You have to not give up on yourself and on this kid. You are housing another life and they're dependent on you. And I…" Josh stops for a moment choking on tears. "I can't live without you. You’re my best friend and I can't live without you."

Josh cries harder, trying not to imagine what would have happened if he had gone and left Tyler alone. He shivers at the awful images floating in his head of Tyler sprawled out on the floor, bleeding to death with no one there to help him.

They sit there crying together, Josh apologizing for being ignorant to Tyler's needs and Tyler listening.

Josh swears to never leave Tyler again.

*

 

Jenna wakes up, head buzzing, heart pounding. Her mind is whirling with things she doesn't understand at the moment.

She sits up and looks at the window. It's light outside, but she knows it isn't the same day. She stands up, wobbling a little while rubbing her eyes. Everything from yesterday comes back, but it isn't the same. She feels like she has a new perspective. She still doesn't understand it, but…it's different now.

She stretches, walking to the door, unlocking it and stepping into the hallway. She looks at her bedroom door and sighs. There's a sense of longing. Guilt is also heavily present.

She walks to the bedroom door and opens it slowly. She looks in to see the bed is neatly made and the room looks spotless.

She doesn't know why, but she thought that coming back would be her seeing Tyler in a state of pain and the room in disarray. But it isn't.

She steps in the room and looks around, touching the dressers. She goes into the bathroom and flips on the switch. Nothing out of the ordinary except for one thing. A small spot of blood on the floor glints in the bathroom light. She knows it's just a spot of blood but, still.

A few thoughts run through her head: and none of them are good.

She breaths in heavily and runs out the room downstairs. She stops when she sees Tyler and Josh sitting at the table, both eating cereal.

Tyler looks up at Jenna and she finally lets out a breath relief seeing that he's okay. He kind of rolls his eyes and looks back down at the cereal.

She casually walks over to the kitchen and gets out a cup.

"Um…good morning." She states cautiously while filling her cup with water from the fridge.

"Good afternoon actually." Josh replies, looking back at her and then turning his attention back to his phone, scrolling through Twitter.

"Thanks." Jenna swishes the water around in the cup, not really wanting to drink it. She really just needed an excuse to stay downstairs and to talk to Tyler.

But everything seems normal. Like everything that happened yesterday just…didn't happen.

"I'm gonna go upstairs. I need to…call someone." Josh places his bowl in the sink and looks at Jenna, gesturing with his head towards Tyler, urging her to speak to him. He runs upstairs and closes his door.

Jenna places the cup she's been holding down and sighs. _Fix this Jenna. You hurt him and you need to fix this. He was there for you, and you need to be there for him._

She walks over to the table and sits in the chair that Josh was sitting in. Right next to Tyler.

He keeps eating his cereal and doesn't pay Jenna any attention. He's looking at the table, purposefully avoiding Jenna's eye contact.

"Tyler…I love you. And I will always be here with you. Whatever happens. Even if…it isn't logical. It's for better or worse. I overreacted yesterday and I shouldn't have. You've been there for me and I need to do the same for you.

"We're here for you. Josh and I. Don't forget that." She grabs his hands and turns them palm side up, "and please, please, please, don't ever hurt yourself." She looks at the cuts scattered on his hands. This is her fault.

"Jenna I need you." Tyler's eyes look pure. There's something sad and deep in them and Jenna hates it because she hates when he's sad.

"I'll be here for you." Jenna pulls Tyler close to her, feeling the warmth of his body and shivering realizing how cold she was.

"Please don't leave me."

*


	6. And i'll fall, and I'll break, and I'll fake all I wanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title from "Fake you out" by twenty one pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when I wrote this, I must not have known the difference between past and present tense because I keep switching it. Ugh! I'm sorry that this is such a lousy chapter....

**Month 4**

"Jenna!" Tyler yells out in pain. He'd woken up with an awful feeling in his stomach.

Jenna had gone downstairs to make Tyler pancakes for when he woke up.

"Jenna!" It felt like someone was pulling at his insides. Agony.

He hears footsteps running up the stairs and soon after Jenna comes in seeing Tyler in a fetal position on the floor.

"Jenna! It hurts." He says squeezing his eyes shut as another wave of pain goes over him. He must be dying. He's dying. "Jenna I'm dying."

She crouches down next to him and strokes his back. "Babe what hurts?"

"My stomach hurts, but it's lower down and it's more like a fierce ache than anything else." He curls into himself a little more minding his growing stomach.

Jenna laughs and Tyler looks at her with anger. Doesn't she see that he's clearly dying?

"Babe, that's what a cramp feels like. Now you know. I'll go get you some Tylenol." Jenna stands up and walks out the room.

So this is the infamous cramp. Tyler never thought it would be this bad. He'd cater to all of Jenna's needs when these came, but he never thought it was that big of a deal.

Jenna returns with a small glass of water and two pills. "I need you to sit up for me okay?" Tyler nods his head reluctantly and sits up wincing as the pain grows stronger.

Jenna hands him the pills and the water. He graciously takes them if it means this will go away.

Jenna sits down next to him and rubs his back. "Whenever that happened to me, I'd always wish that guys would experience this one day so they'd know how it felt. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." She laughs when she says this.

Tyler glares at her like somehow this is all happening because of her. Technically, it is.

"But hey, at least you've kind of got it better. No red mess all week. Just a baby." She smiles warmly at him. Somehow, that made him feel a little better.

Jenna's positive attitude is one of the reasons Tyler loves her. She could turn something negative positive if she wanted to. He knew that sometimes she'd leave things alone because things can't always be happy and he loved that too.

He takes a sip of water. "So girls go through this every month?" He's stunned and grateful to not be a girl.

"Yup." Jenna answers plainly, "And on very rare and awful accounts, medicine doesn't work the first time. And on even worse accounts, there are some people out there who have a condition that makes cramps stronger and worse and they're there everyday during that time."

Woah. Tyler felt bad for the poor souls who had to withstand that.

"This is awful." Tyler says, leaning up against Jenna.

"Yeah I'm sorry. This is kinda my fault." She shrugs in a way that means deal with it, but gently.

"It's all your fault Jenna." Tyler smiles, getting kind of sleepy.

He closes his eyes and drifts off on Jenna's shoulder.

*

 

"Do I look fat to you?" Tyler asks Jenna who is walking in and out of the bathroom.

Lately, Tyler felt insecure about his body. He feels flabby.

"Babe, for, like, the 100th time, no you don't. You look beautiful, gorgeous, stunning even. You are carrying a baby. Of course you're going to feel like your body is against you, but it isn't. There's just some extra cargo you're carrying that you aren't used to." She smiles at him through the mirror and he smiles back.

He pulls his shirt up and inspects himself in the mirror, seeing stretch marks along his side. He had grown a lot. He rests a hand on his stomach. It's gonna be like this for a while.

He hasn't been able to fit much lately. He mostly wears sweatshirts and shorts now. Or tank tops. He misses his skinny jeans.

It sucks for him, not being able to wear most of his clothes. Jenna buys him stuff all the time, but it isn't the same as wearing what he's familiar with. Nonetheless, what she got, Tyler liked and he always knew he would since Jenna has a better taste in style than he does.

"Do you think they'll notice?" Tyler asks Jenna who's in the bedroom looking for something.

"I don't know." Jenna says stopping in the doorway looking at Tyler admiring his bump.

Their parents were coming over today, 'just to hang out'. The real reason was for Tyler and Jenna to tell them the news.

Tyler was extremely nervous. He didn't know how they were going to take it considering the fact that Jenna stopped talking to him for a while and Josh almost left. These are his parents and his in-laws. He didn't want them to disown him.

Jenna sees the worried look on his face and hugs him from behind. "Hey, it doesn't matter what happens. Know that you still have Josh and I alright?" Tyler nods and Jenna plants a kiss on his cheek.

Tyler sees Jenna look at his stomach and realizes something. It probably still hurts to see this since they lost Robi.

So Tyler takes her hands and places them on his stomach. He rests his hands on hers.

"This is our kid." He says to her. She smiles at him and he kisses her on the lips.

*

 

*2 hours later*

"Mom!" Jenna walks over to her mom and hugs her. She follows up with a hug from her dad.

"How are you two? You don't call anymore so I don't know." Her mom puts on a sad face towards Jenna which makes her feel guilty.

"We're…doing better." She smiles reassuringly at her parents. All she can do is smile since they don't know yet.

"Come and sit." She gestures towards the living room, where Tyler and his parents are sitting.

Everyone greets each other with smiles and hugs. Jenna sits next to Tyler and pats his knee. He gives her a small smile and she mouths 'It'll be okay' to him.

Josh comes downstairs from his room and greets Tyler and Jenna's parents. He goes over and sits on the floor next to the chair where Jenna and Tyler are sitting. He smiles up at Tyler. Right now, he needs all the support he can get.

"So how are you two doing together nowadays?" Tyler's mom asks. Jenna and Tyler exchange glances.

"We're doing good now. We have…um, received some news recently that we'd like to share with you." Tyler sighs, holding Jenna's hand and squeezing it slightly.

Their parents all look at each other and then look eagerly back at Tyler and Jenna. Thinking they know what's going on.

But they don't really know the half of it.

"We…are pregnant." Tyler looks at Josh and Josh grabs his other hand and squeezes it.

"Oh my goodness congratulations!" Jenna's mom shouts out.

"Grandchildren!" Tyler's mom says, beaming.

Tyler really doesn't want to tell them now, especially since he sees how excited his parents are. His dad hugging his mom and Jenna's parents smiling at each other. He didn't want to take that away from them.

"Jenna, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant sooner?" Jenna's mom smiles gently at her.

A worried expression makes its way onto Tyler's face. He can feel is heart begin to beat a little faster. He starts sweating too.

Jenna squeezes his hand in reassurance that they'll be fine. They'd agreed before that Jenna was going to break the news to them, so that Tyler wouldn't be too stressed out.

"The thing is…I'm not pregnant." She's wondering nervously how they'll take it.

Confused looks cut across their parents' faces as they look at each other for some idea of what their children mean.

"Oh," Jenna's mom thinks about it for a moment. "Do you have a surrogate? Are you adopting?"

"No," Jenna breathes in, trying her best to calm her nerves, "Tyler is pregnant. He…has an abnormality in his chromosomes that allows this to happen. We, uh, needed to tell you this and we're hoping that you'll stand by us and be there for us."

The room goes silent. Jenna's mom doesn't move and neither does her father. Tyler's parents exchange a glance that Tyler knows all too well.

Nobody says anything and they sit there in painful silence for what seems like forever, but is only really 5 minutes.

Tyler feels major nerves. He puts his head in his hands and leans up against Jenna. His heart rate increases as he starts crying quietly. Jenna rubs his back, trying to make him feel better.

"We knew about it." Kelly says staring blankly at the carpet, "They told us when you were born."

Tyler shoots up and looks at his mother in confused anger. "But you never told me about it. You never thought, 'Gee, maybe we should tell Tyler that he could have babies?'" Tyler huffs angrily, struggling to standing up.

"Tyler, we didn't know when to tell you. And besides, they said there was a one in 5 million chance that there would be a match so we didn't think it would happen." Kelly replies calmly to her sons rage.

Jenna knows this won't end well. This mixed with hormones and stress is not a good combination.

She notices that her parents still haven't said a word and that they're just observing like her and Josh are.

*

 

Out of pure rage and stress, Tyler pulls up his sweatshirt and his shirt.

"Well it did happen! This happened to me. And I had to find out the hard way! I don't know how to do this! I-I wasn't built for this. This could've been prevented! But it wasn't and now…now my back hurts all the time and my ankles, we don't talk about those. I feel stressed out all the time and I miss my skinny jeans.

"And do you know how hard it is to tell your best friend, let alone your wife, that this is happening? I thought they'd leave me. I thought…Jenna wouldn't love me anymore. But never mind. Here we are." Tyler angrily swings out his arms observing their expressions. The tears keep coming.

They're all silent. No words, no sounds, no movement. Nothing. He does notice where their eyes are though because they're all looking in the same place. His stomach.

He forgot he left his shirt up in all the rage. He quickly pulls it down and flushes with embarrassment. He feels his cheeks quickly grow hot and he looks away from everyone.

"I-I gotta pee." He runs past them all and bolts it as fast as he can upstairs and into his room. He goes to the bathroom and slams the door, locking it this time. He's not going to do what he attempted last time.

He breaths a deep breath and leans up against the sink. He doesn't want to, but he looks at himself in the mirror.

He quickly looks away from his tear streaked face not wanting to stare too long at it.

_Why didn't they tell him? He had a right to know. He should have known._

He cries into the sink, looking down at himself.

_What have I become?_

*

 

Tyler comes back downstairs after 20 minutes of crying in the bathroom.

Jenna and Tyler's parents are having a conversation about the whole thing. Josh is just sitting there, listening to everyone.

Their conversation stops once Tyler rejoins the group. He sits next to Jenna again and folds his hands, looking around at everyone.

"Okay, let's start over." Jenna starts out.

"Congratulations." Debbie tells Tyler. He can tell that this word had little value in the moment for her.

They sit there awkwardly for a few more minutes all looking around, avoiding eye contact with one another.

"What are you-what's going to happen to-how are you going to-I'm sorry I just…don't know where to go from here." Debbie fiddles with her hands, avoiding eye contact with Tyler.

"I don't know what we're going to do precisely…but we'll make it work. As long as we're together." Jenna answers flawlessly.

"Are you going to go through with this? I mean, are you going to keep this baby?" Debbie stares at Tyler now. They hold eye contact until Tyler gets uncomfortable from her stare.

"Of course we are! This is still a human life here. This is our child." He grabs Jenna's hand and squeezes it.

They sit there in awkward silence for another 2 minutes. The silence is deafening.

"We'll be there for you. I can't believe this…but we're here for you." Kelly states smiling partially.

But Tyler notices the strange look in his parents eyes as well as in his in-laws eyes.

"We're here for you…too." Debbie reluctantly states. Sure this was very bizarre, but…it's still her grandchild.

Jenna smiles at Tyler and he gives a small sigh of relief as a reply.

This is…better?

*

 

They were all just awkwardly sitting there, Josh was quietly observing. He hadn't said anything at all. Nothing while Tyler showed himself off, nothing while he was staring along with everyone else at Tyler. Nothing while he ran upstairs and slamed his door again.

Nothing.

Because there was nothing he could say, really.

Jenna and Tyler's parent leave and Josh and Jenna are there to keep Tyler happy.

"Gosh, why would they not tell me? I'm 27 for goodness sake." Tyler huffs and gently flops on the couch.

Jenna swiftly walks to the kitchen, grabs a glass, and fills it with water. She brings it over to Tyler.

Josh gets up from the ground where he was sitting and carefully places himself beside Tyler on the couch. Jenna sits on the other side of him.

He leans on Jenna's shoulder. Josh rubs Tyler's arm.

"This is so stressful. Jenna, I think your parents hate me now." Tyler looks up at Jenna and she shakes her head.

"No…they just don't get it yet…" Jenna tries to explain.

Josh looks at Jenna and tilts his head. Jenna gives him a sad look. He assumes it means that she isn't sure about the answer she gave Tyler. Who would be though?

"Whatever, whatever. I don't care anyway. I just want to forget about it all." Tyler sits up and shakes his head. He tries to get up from the couch but fails.

"WHY?!" He flings his arms out almost hitting Josh and Jenna. Josh stands up and helps Tyler stand up. He smiles at him and pats him on the back.

Tyler goes to the kitchen, opens the fridge and looks through it. He closes the door and goes back to the couch by Jenna and Josh.

He looks at Jenna and says, "Can we get Taco Bell tonight, or is that bad for me?"

"Jenna?" Josh asks for her opinion on the situation. He'll get it for him if it's okay with her.

She eyes Tyler and breathes in. "Well…I mean, it isn't the best thing for you, but what you're going through…I guess I can make an exception for this." Jenna gives in to Tyler.

Josh agrees. Tyler has been through heck from everyone at some point in time. From his parents not telling him anything, from Jenna not being there for him at first. From the clique profusely trying to get answers from them, and from Josh himself, not being the supportive best friend Tyler needed.

Tyler is already by the front door.

"What're you waiting for? Let's go! I'm hungry!"

*


	7. my friends and I we got a lot of problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title from 'polarize' by twenty one pilots

**_Month 6_ **

"Jenna, do I have to go out?" Tyler sighs, putting down his notebook. He was trying to get something out of his time off.

"Babe, the only reasons you've gone out is to get food and to go to the doctor. So yes, you do need to go out." Jenna puts on sandals and stands by the door.

Tyler slides off the couch and slumps over to Jenna. "But Jenna…"

"But Jenna nothing. You need to get out. If it makes you feel better, Josh is coming too." Jenna walks down the stairs.

"And besides, we need to go baby shopping and I figured since you're the baby mama, you should be there." Jenna smiles back at him, unlocking the door.

Josh comes from around the corner and joins them.

Tyler slowly puts on his shoes, seeing that with the extra guest, it isn't as easy as it used to be.

Tyler sighs, heading out the door with his black sweatshirt and a pair of sunglasses.

"What if…what if someone recognizes me. I'm clearly more noticeable now. Everyone's wondering where I am and so if they see me…I'm toast." Tyler stops on the sidewalk behind Jenna and Josh who are still walking towards the car.

“You’re already pretty toasty mama.” Jenna snickers, catching a glimpse of Tyler’s unamused face.

Josh looks back at Tyler and stops as well. "Don't worry dude we'll be here to protect you."

Josh takes up a fighting stance and swings his arms out. "They've gotta fight me first."

This makes Tyler feel a little better.

They get in the car; Jenna driving, Josh in the passenger seat and Tyler in the back.

"But I'm tired! And hungry! I wanna stay home!" Tyler whines and slumps in the seat.

Jenna ignores him and pulls out the driveway.

*

"It smells like baby powder." Josh says looking around the bright store. They walk into the store, Tyler cowering behind Josh and Jenna leading the way.

"It's a baby store Josh, what did you expect?" Jenna laughs.

Josh just shrugs. He doesn't go to places like this, so he doesn't know. He doesn't know much about babies either.

"C'mon, we've gotta find stuff. Pick out stuff you think would be good." Jenna gently shoves Tyler into an aisle.

Josh stands by Jenna, watching as Tyler looks on the shelves.

"He's so cute. He's waddling like a little penguin." Jenna points at Tyler. Josh looks and she's right, he is.

"Don't we need one of these?" Tyler points at a stroller and then looks at Jenna.

"Yes…but we'll take care of that. I want you…" She walks over to Tyler and grabs his hand, "To pick something you like first. That's stuff that they need. Get clothes or something. Something cute, ya know?" Jenna smiles at him and he nods.

Tyler lets go of Jenna's hand, and walks around a little bit. Josh and Jenna follow behind him.

For a while they're just wandering around until Tyler stops and so do they. He turns and picks something up.

"This." He declares. Jenna takes it from him and smiles. Josh looks at it too.

It's a small, grey and white onesie with music notes on it. Josh likes it.

"Yes. I love it. So, do you understand what I want you to do now?" Jenna asks him. Tyler nods and smiles genuinely back at her.

"Okay. Go then!" She gestures for him to go and look around more.

It's rare for Josh to see Tyler so genuinely happy about something like this.

He's just hoping it'll last.

*

 

Tyler turns onto an aisle and looks around. This is more fun than he thought it would be.

And everything is small and cute which makes him think about how small and cute their child's going to be.

Nothing catches his eye right away, but then he looks up and spots something.

It's a cute, gray stuffed elephant that someone so kindly decided to put on the top shelf.

He wants it. And he's gonna have it.

He reaches up for it on his tip toes revealing some of his stomach, but all he's focused on is that elephant.

"Tyler, be careful okay?" Jenna and Josh walk over to him.

Josh suggests that he tries to get it, but Tyler refuses. He wants to do this. To actually be able to do something for once in a while.

He's almost got it when he hears someone say, "Tyler? Josh? Is that you?"

He freezes. It isn't Jenna and it definitely isn't Josh. He goes wide eyed and looks over to see a woman looking at them at the end of the aisle. He sees her eyes shift downward and he follows them.

His stomach. He forgot.

Tyler stands straight and quickly pulls his sweatshirt down. He can feel his face going red.

He looks at Jenna and Josh and they're as shocked as he is.

"I-" The woman just comes over to him, smiles, and takes his hand. "I understand."

Tyler tilts his head at her, wondering how in the world she would understand.

All in all, he felt like throwing up now. Somebody knows. She might spread it.

"Wha-"

"My cousin…he…he went through the same thing. It was…bizarre, yes, but we had to be there for him. He got sick and…he didn't…live through to see his daughter. She's five now. Her name is Maddie and she's the sweetest thing." The woman takes out her wallet and pulls out a picture. There's a little girl smiling at the camera with paint on her hands and in her blonde hair.

She puts the picture back into her wallet and looks up at Tyler. He can see tears sparkling in her eyes.

"I promise you, on my life, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. You've done too much for me to betray you like that, you don't even know. And, I know this can be difficult to understand for people, so…"

Tyler feels tears well up in his eyes and he just hugs her. He doesn't usually like people touching him, but this is different. He feels bad for her and he feels relief.

He gives her a sort of side hug since it would be uncomfortable otherwise.

"Thank you so much." Tyler whispers.

He let's go of her and she smiles at him. "If you need anything, support, advice even, call me. I'll give you my number if that's alright with you."

Tyler nods his head and she reaches into her bag to reveal a notebook and a pen. She neatly scribbles down her number onto the page, rips it out, and then hands it to Tyler. He gratefully takes it.

"Oh, um, my name's Joyce by the way." She smiles awkwardly at him again.

"And…" Joyce reaches up to grab the elephant and successfully snatches it. "Here." She hands it to him.

Tyler thankfully grabs it from her.

Joyce looks at Josh and Jenna. Her smile spreads wider across her face as she goes over to Josh.

Josh smiles at her and Jenna does too.

The woman stands there smiling profusely at the three of them.

"Okay. Now it's time for me to freak out." Joyce goes in to hug Josh and Jenna.

"So, what are you doing here." Tyler asks, not meaning to pry, but wondering why.

"Oh! My sister is having a baby shower, and so my parents are busy and they suggested that I'd go and get her presents from them. Tasks on the middle kid." She just smiles and shrugs.

"You?" She asks quietly.

"We needed to start getting the necessities. And I needed him to get out for once." Jenna gestures towards Tyler and he half smiles.

Joyce nods and smiles, being completely chill. Tyler misses this. Running into a clique member.

They talk for a minute or two before Joyce snags a few pictures and says goodbye.

 

For the next 10 minutes, Tyler doesn't say anything. He's just thinking about his encounter with Joyce and her cousin.

He got sick and died? How? Will he get sick and die too?

This makes his stomach hurt and he stops walking.

"Can we go home now? I'm not really feeling up to this anymore. My feet and back hurt really bad and I just don't feel well." He huffs out, glancing over at Jenna.

Jenna nods her head and he's glad that she understands.

They check out a bunch of stuff, including the elephant, and head to the car.

Tyler makes sure to try and cover up more, hiding between Josh and Jenna.

He knows that Joyce was nice and understanding, and he's grateful.

But he also knows that other people won't be.

*

 

"Tyler! How are you feeling?" Dr. Fem closes the door behind her as she sits in the chair by the door.

"Tired. Sore. Awful." He responds plainly. It's only gotten worse.

"As expected." She smiles at him and then looks at Jenna.

"Has he been good to you?" Dr. Fem says playfully.

Jenna sighs, "Well, actually…"

Tyler shoots her a frown and she laughs at him.

"You're almost there Tyler. 3 months. Woohoo." Dr. Fem smiles at him.

"It's actually strange that your child hasn't come earlier. But since we're past the deadline, we'll assume you're going a regular full term." She smiles at Tyler sympathetically. He sighs in response, wanting this to be over.

They do the regular procedure; she asks him to lay down pull his shirt up. She puts the cold gel on him. He shivers. She turns the lights off and turns the machine on.

"Okay, let's begin." She puts the wand thing on his stomach and spreads the gel around and an image projects on the screen.

"You hear that? That's the heartbeat. It’s stronger." Dr. Fem smiles at Tyler who is craning his neck to see the monitor.

"Maybe you can see it now, better than last time at least. There is the head." She points at the screen.

Tyler can make out a little nose and a little mouth. His heart races a little bit as the reality of the situation really starts to hit him.

"Looks like you." Jenna smiles at him. He thinks it looks more like Jenna.

"Then we go to the arms and legs." Dr. Fem moves the wand and Tyler can see it clear as day.

He sees balled up fists and little legs and feet. He's already in love with this child.

"They're healthy. Growing at a great pace. You're all good." Dr. Fem turns off the machine, turns on the lights and hands Tyler a towel. He wipes his stomach and sits up.

"The next time I should see you should be the time that this will all be over." She smiles at Tyler and Jenna.

"And just know that there will be false alarm contractions. Those are called Braxton-Hicks contractions. Trust me when I say you'll know when they're real." Dr. Fem warns with a serious face now.

Tyler and Jenna both nod, Tyler feeling a little afraid and Jenna feeling nervous.

"Well, that's it for now. Take care of yourselves. Stay safe." Dr. Fem stands up along with Jenna and Tyler hoists himself off of the bed.

They say their goodbyes, running into Mindy on the way out and head to the car.

Tyler is holding his back, not caring who sees.

"We haven't come up with names yet." He realizes as he closes the car door.

Jenna looks over at him and starts the car. "Yeah, you're right." She backs out of the parking space.

"It's a boy so, boy names." Tyler says matter of fact. Jenna laughs and shakes her head.

"How do you know?" She questions him.

"Intuition…I guess? And besides, it's my body, so I've gotta know." Tyler states. He knows it's a boy. He can just…tell.

"Well I think it's a girl, but we'll have to wait. In the meantime, let's do both boy and girl names." Jenna suggests since they don't know for sure.

"June? Robert?" Tyler puts out.

"Robert? You sure?" Jenna laughs at him suggesting his own middle name.

"You try then." He crosses his arms and looks at Jenna who's eyes are focused on the road.

"Jen, Toby, El, Daniel. Danny, for short." Jenna likes all those names.

"You're better at this than I am." Tyler says to her. "I like Jen and Daniel or Danny." Tyler smiles.

"Me too."

After Jenna says that, he feels a kick on his stomach.

"Geez." Tyler says. It was surprising to feel that.

"What? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Jenna glances over at him with a panicked look in her eyes.

Tyler nods to ease her fears. "It's just…here."

He takes her hand and puts it to his stomach. There's another kick right under Jenna's hand.

She smiles at Tyler and he smiles back at her. He lets go of her hand.

He can see tears forming in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Tyler asks, concerned as to why she's tearing up.

"It's just that…this is real. This is actually going to happen. It's really just setting in for me now." A tear falls down Jenna's cheek, but Tyler doesn't think it's from sadness. No, this is happiness.

They drive happily down the road, Jenna playing music on the stereo and Tyler drifting in and out of sleep, getting woken up by his active child throwing punches at him every 10 minutes.

He wakes up at one point in time to hear 'Isle of flightless birds' playing on the stereo.

"How ironic." he says to Jenna. Jenna laughs a little bit.

_All we are is an isle of flightless birds we find our worth in giving birth and stuff…_


	8. Open the slits in your face, and start your day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from 'Before you start your day' by twenty one pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it. This is the time, this is the time of the baby. It's a longish chapter??? I think??? I dunno...I hope you guys like it

**Month 8**

" I want to die!" Tyler yells, laying on his side in his bed. Jenna is rubbing his back.

The Braxton-Hicks had started last week and had been there each day since. It was those plus the child constantly kicking him.

"Shhh, it'll be over soon." Jenna tried her best to comfort him. He'd barely moved from the bed since these were so bad.

"I want to die. Kill me."

"I'll kill you with kisses and kindness." Jenna shrugs. She's just trying to lighten the mood.

"No!" He yells. This doesn't faze Jenna, seeing that she's dealt with this all week.

"Just try to sleep okay?" Jenna says softly.

Tyler clutches a pillow and squeezes his eyes shut.

This is too much.

 

_ Friday, November 29, 3:00 pm. _

He feels sweaty and gross. He gets up and walks to the bedroom door and steps out, looking for Jenna.

His huge stomach in the way of him seeing his feet and feeling comfortable. Even just walking down the stairs is a process for him.

Jenna gives him one look and makes her way over to him from whatever she was doing in the kitchen.

"Hey babe. Are you alright?" She takes his face in her hands. He's burning up.

"My gosh Tyler! Go and sit on the couch. I'll get you some water." Jenna hurries over to the kitchen.

Tyler slowly waddles to the couch and sits down. Jenna brings the water over to him and hands it to him. He drinks a fourth of the water and puts his head back.

"I hate everything." He says bluntly. He feels like dying. He's felt like that for a while.

"Just hang in there." Jenna takes the glass from him and places it on the coffee table in front of them.

Tyler suddenly feels the urge to pee and tries to stand up.

Jenna helps him up and he only makes it halfway to the bathroom before something happens.

His water breaks.

“Oh!” is the only thing he says.

He stops and looks at Jenna, her eyes are wide, and so are his. He just stares down at the floor where the liquid is puddled around him. All he can do is stand and stare at the floor.

"Um…um…stay here!" Jenna sprints up the stairs. Tyler is left standing there, not knowing whether he should move or not.

Jenna comes down with a suitcase and a bag with Josh following behind her. Tyler is just staring at them, not knowing what to do or if he should move or not.

Jenna throws the bags at the door and looks at Tyler.

"S-!" She yells. She rarely ever uses profanity, but in stressful situations, they make their way out. She runs back up the stairs and comes back a minute later with a towel, a pair of boxers and some shorts. Meanwhile, Josh takes the bags and runs outside.

She hands him the clothes and shoos him off to the bathroom. He peels off the soiled clothes and puts on the new ones.

When he steps out of the bathroom, Jenna grabs his dirty clothes, quickly wipes up the liquid, throws the clothes and the towel up the stairs and grabs Tyler's hand.

He puts on shoes and in not even a minute, they're on the road. Josh is driving and Jenna's in the back with Tyler.

"Are you okay?" Jenna turns to him, he nods his head.

"Yeah, I'm just…scared." He catches Josh's eyes on him in the rear view mirror.

This is happening now.

 

_ 3:30pm _

"Oh fudge!" Tyler yells.

Contractions.

Jenna puts out her hand for him to take and he man handles it. She winces at how hard Tyler is squeezing her hand.

"Why does this hurt so much? Why? WHY ME?" He screams at Jenna. Tyler is sobbing.

They're only thirty minutes into the drive and now Jenna wishes that they had come the day before.

"Just breathe. Okay breathe." Jenna says calmly even though she's freaking out on the inside.

"Shouldn't we call someone?" Josh asks with worry spread all across his face. Tyler groans.

"Yes! I'll call Dr. Fem." Jenna reaches into her pocket for her phone and frantically pulls it out.

With shaking hands, she dials the doctors number and waits.

Tyler leans up against her and she puts her other free hand around his shoulders.

"Yes?" Dr. Fem answers. Jenna breathes a sigh of relief.

"Um, hi Dr. Fem. It's Jenna." She says quickly.

"Oh Jenna! Hello! Is everything alright?" Dr. Fem asks purely.

Jenna breaths in and looks at Tyler. He's holding his stomach and trying to curl up in the seat, but he’s failing miserably.

"No actually. Tyler's water broke and so we're on our way. Um…what can we do to-"

Tyler grabs the phone from Jenna and whispers into it, "Help me...Mercy!"

He hands Jenna the phone back and leans up against the window, gripping the handle on the door so tight that his knuckles have turned white.

"Okay make sure that he is comfortable and tell him to breathe. Get him some water."

"Thank you!" Jenna says, grabbing a water bottle from the cup holder in the front and handing it to Tyler who snatches it from her.

"How far apart are the contractions?" Dr. Fem asks Jenna, keeping her tone calm and soft.

"Um…" They were rushing so much that she forgot to count, "something like 7 minutes."

"Okay, make sure he's calm, Jenna. I'll meet you at the doors when you get here. Thank you for calling me."

"Thank you." Jenna clicks the phone off and looks at Tyler.

He's breathing heavily and staring daggers out the window. His eyes dart to Jenna which startles her. There's pure anger in his eyes.

"This…is your fault! You did this to me!" Tyler screams at Jenna. His fists are balled up.

"Why would you do this to me?!"

 

_ 4:53pm _

Jenna had begun calling family members to tell them of Tyler's condition. She was contemplating telling their siblings since Tyler and Jenna had decided not to involve them in this whole situation.

Josh was driving, trying to stay focused and calm, but getting distracted now and then by Tyler's screams of pain.

Again, he hated seeing his best friend in pain and not being able to help him.

Josh was trying to drive as fast as the law would allow him since he couldn't afford getting pulled over.

What would his excuse be if the police asked why he was speeding and why there was a grown man screaming in his back seat?

He's mentally ill? He has some disease that needed immediate medical attention? But then they'd say that he would need a police escort. That wouldn't work, especially for where they were going.

They'd been on the road for almost an hour but that was only halfway down the road.

"Can you please go any faster?! I want out!* this!" Tyler yells at Josh, punching the seat in front of him. He flops back in the seat and grabs Jenna's hand.

"Breathe, Tyler. Breathe." Josh mumbles to Tyler, focusing on the road.

"I am! What do you think I've been doing?! How would I live otherwise." Tyler snaps at him.

Josh doesn't respond since he knows that Tyler is not in a good mood and that he's in pain.

They've just gotta get there.

 

_ 6:45pm _

They'd finally arrived at their destination.

"I want to die!" Tyler yells as another contraction comes through.

They were more frequent now, maybe 5 minutes apart. That also meant that they got progressively worse.

Jenna jumps out of the car and runs inside of the building. Josh helps Tyler out of the car. He half carries Tyler into the building where they are met by Mindy and a wheel chair.

Tyler gladly sits down in it, exhausted, not caring who sees or if someone says anything to him. There's too much going on now.

Mindy quickly takes Tyler to an elevator with Josh and Jenna following after them.

Another contraction surfaces and it makes Tyler want to scream again, but he holds it in to be polite in the small space.

For him, it feels like forever for the elevator to get to the floor. Jenna is holding onto his hand as they exit the elevator and go down a hallway.

They come to a room and find Dr. Fem standing outside, waiting for them.

"Tyler, hi, how are you?" Dr. Fem looks at him.

Tyler is gripping the arm rest of the wheelchair to where his knuckles are white.

"Okay. Well what I need you to do is get into this gown here and then I'll tell you the plan. Do you need any help?" Dr. Fem asks. Tyler just shakes his head and holds his arms out for help.

Mindy and Jenna help him up and he walks into the room.

 

_ 7:22pm _

Jenna is a ball of nerves. Tyler is still having really awful contractions. Their parents aren't there yet and Josh and Jenna are standing around watching Tyler suffer.

"Turn off the lights." Tyler gasps, halfway on the bed and halfway off of the bed.

Jenna hurries to the light switch and turns them off. Tyler groans and shakes his head.

"What can we do to help you out?" Josh stands up and walks towards Tyler.

"Help me up." Tyler breathes in and looks up at Josh. Josh goes over to Tyler, grabs his arm and brings him all the way up to the bed. Jenna stands by the bed and holds Tyler's hand.

He immediately squeezes her hand and she holds back saying that he's hurting her because him squeezing her hand probably won't compare to what he's going through.

Jenna looks down at Tyler and he has his other hand over his face and he's leaning forward. She can hear him whimpering and see tears falling down his face.

"Hey," Jenna whispers, "Breathe, okay? 1,2,3 in, 4,5,6 out. You can do this." Jenna sits partially on the bed with Tyler and counts quietly until the contraction ends.

"If you want, I can go and find Dr. Fem to see if you can go walk around at some point." Josh asks.

Tyler just nods his head. Jenna mouths 'thanks' to Josh and he nods at her while leaving the room.

"Jenna?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for staying with me."

 

_ 8:15pm _

Jenna had been on the phone with her and Tyler's parents. They were on their way, but traffic was at a standstill and it'd been like that for a while.

Tyler's waddling around the room, crying, screaming silently.

Josh had gone to go buy something for Tyler and he's been gone for 10 minutes.

Dr. Fem comes into the room to see if Tyler is ready, but each time she checks, he isn't any farther along.

"Jenna. Jenna I don't feel good. I really don't feel good." Tyler says quickly, holding his head back and looking at the ceiling. He lets out a long sigh.

She knows what he means by that, seeing that she was with him the whole way and knows the signs of when he'll be sick.

She turns on the bathroom light. And Tyler runs into it. He goes straight to the toilet and throws up into it. The pain is excruciating.

"I can't. I can't. Please…help me. I can't. Jenna please!" Tyler cries into Jenna's shoulder.

She feels her heart breaking. She's sitting here with her husband on a bathroom floor, watching him suffer. She can't do anything about it and she hates it.

She wipes his forehead with her hand and holds his. "You can do this. You've made it this far."

Tyler nods slowly and then throws up some more.

"Hopefully this is worth it." Tyler gasps for breath.

 

_ 9:45 _

Josh had been back for a while. He had went to go get Tyler a birthday present since he left his real one at the house.

He had come in to the quiet room, seeing Tyler laying down on the bed and Jenna nodding off.

He's now wide awake, watching closely over Tyler, just in case something happens.

Tyler moves around a lot and shoves the bed sheets off of him. His hands fly to his face and he begins crying. Jenna's eyes fly open and she sits on the bed with Tyler.

Josh honestly feels like the third wheel here. He feels like he's in the way. He wants to step outside or do something that could help, but he's just useless now.

"Josh…Josh come over…Josh! JOSH please!" Tyler holds out arms and Josh jumps up and hurries over to the bedside.

He stands there, grabbing onto Tyler's hand for dear life. Tyler just cries.

Josh wants to cry, too.

 

_ 10:27pm _

There's a faint knock on the door.

Josh gets up to answer it and when the door opens, he sees Tyler and Jenna's parents.

Josh greets them as they come inside.

Tyler's mom takes one look at him and is by his side in an instant.

"Tyler…" she wipes his forehead with her hand. He begins tearing up.

"When will it end mom? I'm tired and I want to die. When will it end?" Tyler cries to his mother.

"Honey…it'll be over soon." Kelly was trying her best to calm down her son.

Josh looks at Debbie. She has a sympathetic look on her face which makes Josh think that maybe she came around after all.

Debbie walks over to Tyler and looks at him. He stares up at her with tears in his eyes and Debbie hugs him. Nobody says a word.

All you can hear is sobs and sniffling. It's a beautiful moment. A moment of acceptance. Josh thinks she finally got that nobody picked this lifestyle.

"I'm sorry Tyler…" Debbie apologizes. It sounds sincere enough to Josh.

"I'm sorry…"

 

_ 11:34pm _

"Okay Tyler. We're ready to go now. Are you ready? Family, are you ready?" Dr. Fem preps the people in the room.

"Yes! Yes they're-jeez! They're ready just-go! Please get this out! Let's go! Go, go, go! Game-Ah!-time!" Tyler replies for everyone. It's been 8 hours and he'd wanted out since the beginning. He's tired and he's hurting so bad right now.

"Okay let's do this." A few nurses come in to assist Tyler. Everyone, except Jenna, leaves. The nurses busy themselves by helping Tyler onto a wheelchair and out of the room.

Tyler is shaking right now. He's extremely anxious and he's terrified. What if something goes wrong? What if the baby dies? What if he dies?

Jenna is grabbing onto his hand rubbing circles on it with her thumb. He doesn't know if she was trying to calm him down or calm herself down. Either way he feels better with her there.

They arrive at the operating room. The nurses hurry to get Tyler on the bed.

One of the nurses points and whispers something to Jenna and she lets go of Tyler's hand.

"Jenna!" Tyler calls in fear. He didn't want her to leave him, especially now. When he needs her the most.

"Don't worry, I'll be back." Jenna reassures him. She walks over to a door and pushes it open, disappearing behind it.

Another person comes through the main door and they introduce themselves as Dr. Illiana, the anesthesiologist.

Everyone was moving all around him and eventually Jenna comes back wearing a hair cap and scrubs.

Soon, Tyler is given the same hair cap along with a shot that made his body numb.

All the pain is gone. His fear melts away. He doesn't really care anymore as all of his senses melt together inside him.

A curtain was put up in front of him so he wouldn't see them cutting him open and he wouldn't trip out.

He held Jenna's hand as the procedure began.

 

_ 11:40pm _

Josh sits in the waiting room with his head in his hands.

He's thinking about all the bad possibilities for how this could turn out.

He could lose his best friend.

His best friend could lose his baby and then he'd lose himself again.

He could lose both of them.

His mind is whirling with things he can't help but think about.

He's remembering what Joyce said about her cousin getting sick and dying before he could see his daughter grow up.

What if that happens to Tyler?

 

_ 11:46pm _

Kelly is leaning onto Chris' shoulder thinking about Tyler. Thinking about how she should've told him about this before.

Thinking about how scared he must've been and how this is her fault.

She should've been there for him.

 

_ 11:48pm  _

Chris is fearing for his son.

He just wanted him to be okay.

 

_ 11:52pm _

Debbie feels guilty for not supporting her son-in-law about something that he didn't know about.

She feels like an awful person. It doesn't matter how she feels about it. It matters that she's supportive.

But she hadn't been and she wishes she was.

 

_ 11:54pm _

Josh is pacing around the waiting room panicking. It's been a long time.

It feels like forever.

 

_ 11:58pm _

Tyler is oblivious to what's going on. That numb feeling is making him happy, and he feels good.

Jenna's covering her mouth with one hand while tears flow down her face.

 

_ December 1st, 12:00am _

A small cry fills the room.

Tyler looks at Jenna and they both start crying along with their child.

The crying continues from all three of them as Dr. Fem nears with the baby in her arms.

"Congratulations, Tyler. It's a boy. He's completely healthy." Dr. Fem gently passes him the boy.

When Tyler holds his son, his heart melts. Everything was worth it. His son was worth it. He now has another thing to live for. He has a reason to look forward to the future. This pure child came from him and he ultimately knows it will change his life forever.

His son is covered in different things, but that didn't concern the singer at all. He's beautiful in his eyes and that's all that matters.

He's crying profusely, but it wasn't like other times. He's extremely relieved, but also truly happy.

"We're going to stitch you up and clean this little boy. Then we'll get you back to your room where you can relax and sleep." A nurse comes over to Tyler and gently picks his son up. Tyler doesn't want to let go of his son but he knows he has to.

When they take him away, he already misses him. Tyler looks over at Jenna who smiles at him.

She bends down next to him and whispers, "Happy Birthday."

He had completely forgotten about that. He hadn't realized it was the day before. It's his 28th birthday.

He smiles back at Jenna, taking a deep breath of relief in.

*

 

"Family of Tyler Joseph?" Dr. Fem announces, looking around the waiting room.

Josh stands up so fast he almost trips on the chair he was sitting in.

He speeds over to the doctor. She smiles at him and the others gently.

"Okay, Tyler is fine, and so is the baby. It was successful. You can go in now, but be warned that Tyler is on some medication right now that will make him sleep. So when you go in, he might not be completely there."

A weight has been lifted off of Josh's shoulders now that he knows Tyler is okay.

"So we can see him now?" Josh shifts his weight, antsy to see his best friend.

"Yes, right this way."

The group follows the doctor quickly through a hallway, back to the room Tyler was originally in. She slowly opens the door and everyone shuffles in, Josh being the first one.

Josh sees his best friend holding a small bundle in his arms. He's never seen something so small.

Tyler is admiring the small child with bags under his tired eyes. It's the most adorable thing Josh has ever seen.

Tyler looks up at the crew and smiles with heavy eyes. Josh slowly inches over to him, afraid he'll scare the child. He stands next to Tyler and looks down at the baby.

He’s sleeping.

The child looks exactly like Tyler. From the tan skin to the small nose.

Josh gasps as he looks at it. The resemblance between them is uncanny. That child is one of the cutest little things Josh has ever seen.

"Josh…" Tyler says quietly, "I can't be your dad anymore."

Josh smiles and shakes his head. Josh remembered that interview.

"Do you want to hold him?" Tyler asks Josh. The drummer looks at Tyler in surprise. He looks up at Jenna who is looking at Tyler. He's kind of afraid to hold this baby.

He said him. He's a boy.

"S-sure." Josh replies sheepishly, shrugging and trying not to show how afraid he is.

Tyler raises the little boy up and Josh takes him. He gently positions the boy in his arms. Josh breathes slowly, trying not to startle the sleeping child.

The boy stirs a little in Josh's arms which makes Josh stop breathing for a second. He looks down at the boy who is making the tiniest noises.

Josh's heart melts at the sight of Tyler's son. His cute face fills Josh with happiness and excitement. He can already tell that this boy will be a good kid.

"What's his name?" Kelly whispers to Tyler while looking at the baby.

Tyler glances at Jenna and smiles wildly. Something about his smile makes Josh want to laugh. Tyler has one of the best smiles Josh has ever seen. Whenever they're doing an interview or at a show or even just out on the town, Josh likes seeing his best friend's smile. His genuine smile.

"This is Daniel Joshua Joseph. He was born on December 1st at 12:00am. He's my son."

His middle name is Josh's name.

Daniel Joshua Joseph. Did Tyler and Jenna give Daniel his name on purpose or…

"He's so small…" Josh feels tears forming in his eyes and he doesn't know why.

Daniel opens his gray eyes slightly and looks at Josh. Josh looks into Daniel's eyes and he's so sure that Daniel smiles at him.

"Oh my gosh…" Josh whispers while smiling at the baby who closes his eyes and yawns.

"I purposefully gave him your name as his middle name, because you're my best friend. You've helped me through a lot and I just…" Tyler sighs. Josh sees tears gleaming in his eyes. Tyler looks down and smiles, trying to mask the tears.

"Can I ask you a question Josh?"

"Of course!"

"Will you be the godfather of my son?"

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay...so I know this probably isn't at all accurate, but ya know, fiction is cool. Imagination is really cool too...just saying...I'll go now


	9. Please use discretion when you're messing with the message, man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from 'Message man' by twenty one pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter that I've put out, just a warning

It's 5:30 in the morning. Tyler had fallen asleep not long after Josh and his and Jenna's parents had come in.

Everyone was taking turns swooning over Daniel and holding him. They all loved him.

"Okay. What are we going to do about Tyler's birthday? He's going to have to stay here for a few days which means he has to miss going anywhere today." Josh voices his concerns.

Jenna had been thinking about that. Tyler would have to spend his birthday in a hospital bed, which nobody should want. Jenna felt bad for him.

"Maybe we could surprise him when he wakes up. Get him some cake or something, bring some balloons. Buy makeshift presents in place for the real ones." Kelly suggests, looking around the room at everyone's reaction. Everyone nods.

"We've gotta act fast then! I'll stay here to watch Tyler and Daniel. Josh can you go get cupcakes? Mom and dad, can you get balloons and some quick decorations? Kelly, are you and Chris going to stay here, because if you aren't, can you pick up a gift for me? I'll give you the money." Jenna stands up from the chair she was sitting in. She was hoping that she didn't sound too bossy, because that's the least she wanted right now. She just wanted Tyler to have a good birthday.

Everyone nods in response. Jenna goes to her bag and takes out her wallet. She hands Kelly the money and tries to give Debbie and Josh money, but they kindly refuse. She doesn't want them to pay out of pocket for her idea, but she knows they'll keep objecting.

They all head out of the room making sure not to wake the sleeping child or Tyler even though waking Tyler up was unlikely.

Jenna sits down next to Tyler and looks at him. He looks at peace, like nothing in the world is wrong and that everything is okay. But that's the thing about sleep. You don't know what's going on outside your dreaming state, so everything has to be okay.

She just admires her sleeping boys and smiles. Daniel looks just like Tyler. She feels so proud and she doesn't know why.

*

 

Josh enters the grocery store already trying to navigate through it. The closest one to the hospital was 10 minutes away. He was hoping that they still had cupcakes since it's almost 6:00 in the morning.

He starts walking towards the back, following the sign that says bakery hoping that no one will recognize him through his disguise.

He's wearing a black sweatshirt, a Snapback, sunglasses, and some Adidas sweatpants. It wasn't the best disguise, no, but it was the best one he could pull together at the moment.

He makes it to the bakery station and spots the section with the cupcakes. He looks through it and finds one with green and red icing. They have rings with the head of a snowman on them. Perfect.

Tyler has always loved Christmas and Josh thought it was pretty sick if he could incorporate that into Tyler's birthday.

He grabs the box of eight cupcakes since there's seven of them. Tyler can have the extra cupcake since it's his birthday.

Josh dashes back up to the front and goes to the checkout area. He's hoping that the emo looking guy at the register won't recognize him. The guy is leaning against the counter staring intently at his phone.

The dude looks up, smirks, and puts his phone in his pocket. Josh thinks that he looks like an emo from the Myspace era and a hipster combined. He gives off a 2004 emo vibe.

"Dude, it's like, 6am and you're buying cupcakes. Dude for real." The cashier man shakes his head, scoffs, and smiles at Josh.

"Why?" The cashier looks up at him laughing. Josh smiles with the him even though he thinks it's kind of rude for that guy to call him out like that.

"It's my friend’s birthday and he's in the hospital. He has to spend it in bed so…cupcakes." Josh alters his voice slightly. It still sounds like a natural voice, but not his own.

The cashier's smile fades away as he rings the box up.

"Dude I'm sorry I just…I'm really tired. I make mean jokes when I'm tired. I'm sorry…" the cashier looks at the cash register and back at Josh.

He hands Josh the bag. Josh doesn't grab it since he hasn't paid for it.

"It's on me since I kinda persecuted you. Trust me you won't get arrested." The cashier smiles a little bit at Josh, trying to push away how rude he'd been earlier.

Since Josh still doesn't take it, the cashier puts the cupcakes down, takes out his wallet and takes out some cash from it. He holds it up to show Josh, opens the cash register and puts the money in it.

The cashier hands Josh the cupcakes and smiles at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry again. I hope your friend gets better."

"Thanks." Josh smiles at the cashier and walks towards the sliding doors.

Once he gets in his car, he sighs thinking about the encounter. It shouldn't have taken that much time to get those cupcakes. He shouldn't have had to be questioned like that.

He starts the car engine up and backs out of the parking space he was in. That dude must have been really tired if he had to call someone out like that.

At least he got free cupcakes.

*

 

They started streaming in once Josh left the grocery store. At first his phone only dinged occasionally, but then there was one every single second.

The notifications.

Josh didn't want to take his eyes off of the road so he wanted to wait until he got to a stop light.

When the light turns red in front of him, he slows the car down and immediately picks up his phone.

His notifications are alive with links to articles and pictures. People were tagging him in a lot of things and he doesn't know why it's so sudden or even what it is.

He taps on one of the notifications which brings him to Twitter. Someone tagged him in an article and Josh opens it, glancing up at the stop light.

Josh's heart skips a beat when he sees a picture of Tyler outside of his house with him and Jenna. This picture was taken yesterday.

He stops breathing and his heart drops once he reads the title.

_'Twenty one pilots lead singer pregnant?!'_

_Everyone has been wondering where Tyler Joseph, the lead singer from the band twenty one pilots, has disappeared to over the past few months. It seems that Joseph has been found, but what we found is bizarre._

_It seems that somehow, we have no idea how this is possible, Joseph became pregnant. No not his wife, but Joseph himself. In the picture, he’s seen with the drummer, Josh Dun, of twenty one pilots and Joseph's wife, Jenna Joseph, as they are getting into their car…_

 

The car behind Josh honks their horn which startles Josh almost to the point of dropping his phone. In his rear view mirror, he can see the person behind him making an unkind gesture. He sees that the light is green and he pushes the gas on his car.

His mind is racing. How did they know where Tyler lived? Why couldn't they respect Tyler's privacy? How was he going to tell Tyler? Or Jenna? Do they already know? He's hoping that Tyler doesn't know.

Josh tries to slow his breathing, but fails miserably. He's nervous and scared and angry. The clique is probably confused. He doesn't know how to process this. He can feel his heart beating faster in his chest as his nerves get the best of him.

The only thing he can do is grip the steering wheel and pray that Tyler doesn't know yet.

*

 

Jenna was waiting for everyone to get back into the room when she noticed Tyler's phone was buzzing a lot. Like every two seconds a lot.

Jenna quickly picks up the phone and goes out the door, trying not to disturb her two sleeping boys.

She opens Tyler's phone and sees all of the notifications that are on the screen. She's kind of overwhelmed by them.

Jenna taps on one of them and is greeted with Twitter. Tyler had been tagged in an article that seems kind of suspicious since everyone was tagging him in it. She's hoping that it isn't bad and that maybe something good happened.

Her hope is short lived when she is faced with an article. She's horrified by what she sees. Her other hand flies to her mouth as she reads the article.

The paparazzi now knows where they live and they now know why Tyler was gone. Along with thousands and thousands of other people. Anyone can see this now. Anyone can say anything.

Jenna exits out of the article and turns Tyler's phone off. She needs to breathe, he needs to sleep.

And the paparazzi needs to stay out of people's business.

*

 

Tyler wakes up, vision slightly blurry. He panics a little bit because he doesn't remember where he is. Or why he's sore.

He blinks rapidly trying to clear his vision. He closes his eyes remembering why he's here and the fact that he's now a dad. He smiles at the thought of his son then opens his eyes for real.

"Surprise!" Everyone says in unison, beaming at Tyler.

Tyler sits up and smiles widely, genuinely at this surprise. This is one of the better surprises that's happened recently. Learning that he was going to be a father was goodish news, aside from the part where he was the temporary housing. And when Debbie said that she would stand by him and Jenna…that was definitely a surprise.

But this was something completely different.

"Happy birthday!" Jenna is holding Daniel in her arms.

Tyler honestly didn't expect this. He looks at Josh who is smiling as well but has this look in his eye that concerns Tyler. It's like happiness but sadness. Like something went wrong, but Josh is trying to be happy.

When Tyler looks at Jenna again, he notices the same look in her eyes too. He tries not to worry about it too much though. But the thought of them both being unhappy at the same time pushed its way through the front of his mind; a place where things don't go away easily.

He feels selfish to just want to dismiss it, but he wants to enjoy his birthday. Everyone should get a chance to enjoy their birthday without stress or something going wrong.

"Chocolate or vanilla?" Debbie asks Tyler holding up two cupcakes with blue frosting. Tyler smiles and holds up two fingers indicating that he wants both.

She brings him the cupcakes on a napkin and distributes the rest out.

Tyler happily takes a bite out of one of them and closes his eyes. Cupcakes for breakfast. That never happens.

"Hey Jenna have you seen my phone?" Tyler asks her. She looks at the ground and then at Tyler again.

"Yeah it died." Jenna looks away from Tyler and then catches Josh's eye.

Tyler knows at least one solid fact about Jenna:

She's an awful liar.

*

 

Over the next few days, Tyler and Daniel got multiple visits by family and the crew. He had to stay in the hospital for a few days so that they can make sure he's alright.

Although most of his and Jenna's family came by, he was missing one person.

Zack, his brother.

Out of the three siblings that he had, Zack was the closest to him. Of course he loved Jay and Madison, but him and Zack had always had a special connection.

Zack hadn't come to visit yet and Tyler was afraid that he didn't want to see him. Maybe he was angry that he didn't tell him about Daniel.

His parents made the best efforts to try and get Zack to come and see his brother, but Tyler asked them to stop because he didn't want Zack to be forced into something he didn't want to do. He knew that was never the right approach with his brother because he knew he didn't like being forced to do stuff. Even though it hurt Tyler that Zack didn't come to visit.

He still had hope though. He had hope that his brother would come around.

It's the third day in the hospital and Tyler is getting sick of staring at the same walls. Jenna refuses to give his phone back, still claiming that his phone is dead and she didn't bring a charger.

Tyler still doesn't believe her since her phone is still alive.

Tyler and Jenna's parents had gotten hotel rooms and were close by just in case something happened. That left both Josh, who was currently taking a nap, and Jenna, who was tapping away at her phone, with him since they refused to leave his side.

Tyler is watching the tv in the room turned to some random channel and relaxing with Daniel sleeping on his chest.

There's a faint knock on the door and a nurse comes in.

"Hi Tyler. Um, there's someone in the waiting room who says they're your brother and they came to visit you. Do you want me to let him in?" The nurse, who he now remembers as Meg, inquires quietly.

Tyler felt a pang of nerves force their way into his system. He was honestly afraid of what might happen.

"Sure. Thanks Meg." He whispers just loudly enough for her to hear. Meg nods and exits the room.

A minute or two later the door to the room swings open slowly and he sees Zack standing at the door. He steps inside the room, closes the door, and looks at Tyler. They awkwardly stare at each other for a moment.

"Hi…" Tyler speaks up. Jenna looks up from her phone and looks at both of them.

"Hi…" Zack responds without moving from his place by the door. He just stands there looking at the floor.

"They told me to come visit you. Mom and dad, I mean. So I'm here." Zack crosses his arms and looks Tyler in the eyes. His eyes are cold and sad.

"Do you hate me?" Tyler reluctantly asks his brother, hoping he'll say no.

"How can I hate someone I don't know? I mean, you aren't my brother so…" Zack shrugs, giving Tyler a feeling of coldness that runs along his spine.

"What do you mean someone you don't even know? I'm your brother! I thought you cared about me?" Tyler whispers, trying not to disturb Daniel. He can feel his face turn a little red in frustration with his brother's sour attitude.

"This isn't you though. This isn't Tyler, my brother who loves competition. My brother who would try to out do me in everything. This isn't him."

Zack had the nerve to come in here and talk to Tyler like this. Tyler felt his blood boil and he wanted to get up and punch Zack in the face. If he didn't have Daniel with him, he'd do it.

"I just wanted my son to know all of his aunts and uncles and I don't want to have to explain why I never talk about uncle Zack! Is it so bad that I want you to be a part of my son’s life? And also, how dare you come in here and talk to me like this! If you didn't want to come then you shouldn't have. I'm already dealing with a lot and I don't need you to add on to that. If you don't want to be a part of my son’s life, then so be it." Tyler yells at Zack. He couldn't help it. This causes Daniel to wake up and begin to cry. He didn't mean to startle his son, but he got angry.

"Just-just go Zack. I'm sorry you had to waste your time. I can't deal with this right now and you don't want to be here so just go." A tear involuntarily falls down his cheek and he looks away, not wanting Zack to see him cry. He thought Zack was better than this.

"Fine." Tyler sees tears shining in Zack's eyes as he turns around, opens the door, and walks out.

Tyler begins to cry and Daniel whines. Jenna looks at her husband with utmost sympathy and takes their son from him so that he can have some space.

She rocks Daniel so that he can calm down and holds Tyler's hand so that he can feel better.

“It’s okay baby, you’re okay…” She whispers to her son, but also subjects it to Tyler who’s sobbing now.

“Jenna…what did I do? Why does everybody hate me? Why…” He cries into his hands, shaking his head, really considering what he’s done to ever be shunned like this.

“You didn’t do anything Ty, you didn’t it’s okay. You didn’t do anything baby.” His wife reassures him. He doesn’t need to be stressed out especially since he just gave birth.

Tyler is so thankful that Jenna’s in his life, because he doesn't know what he'd do without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey frens! So, this was a pretty long chapter I'd say. If anybody has any suggestions, I'm totally open to them. I wanna keep you guys interested. I'm planning for another thing after this 'cuz it's getting close to the end, but not too close. So yeah. I hope this was a good chapter!  
> Stay safe and stay alive


	10. I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "Goner" by twenty one pilots

Tyler and Daniel have been approved to go home by Dr. Fem. He’s excited to finally be able to take his son home with him.

Tyler has Daniel in front of him and he's putting him in that onesie with the music notes and singing to him.

_Wise men say, only fools rush in._

_But I can't help falling in love with you_

_Oh, shall I stay? Would it be a sin?_

_If I can't help falling in love with you_

 

_Like a river flows surely to the sea,_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be…_

 

He picks Daniel up and cradles him in his arms.

" Danny Boy…I love you." He kisses his son on the cheek and smiles. Tyler beams at Jenna and Josh.

"Dude he's-" Josh starts but is interrupted by someone opening the door and coming in quickly.

"Tyler, we need to talk." Mindy says frantically, closing the door behind her. Her tone is urgent and it draws the attention of everyone in the room.

"Is everything alright?" Jenna asks concerned. She looks at Josh and they make eye contact.

"Okay listen, at first I didn't know what was going on, but I know now. You know I only want the best for you and your family and so I have to warn you of what's to come."

Tyler starts to panic since Mindy's tone sounds so serious. He gets a feeling of dread deep in the pits of his stomach and takes a deep breath.

"So the day that your son was born, there was paparazzi here, looking for you. I was confused and since, you know, you just had a baby, I told them you weren't here. Then I saw this." Mindy pulls out her phone from the pocket of her scrubs, starts tapping on it, and shows it to Tyler.

He is faced with an article with a picture of him in front of his house with Josh and Jenna, before they left for the hospital. He reads the title of the article and his heart drops. People know. The paparazzi found him and now they know. He wasn't ready for them to know and he was terrified.

"So I was concerned. I kept telling them that you weren't here, but they didn't believe me and more of them kept coming. And I know that you are getting out today, but I just needed to tell you this. Dr. Fem says that you should use the back way and that one person could get your car and bring it to the back, but then I realized that the paparazzi knows all of you so that couldn't work.

"The only other thing that I could think of that would avoid confrontation, was a disguise, but…I don't know. I just needed to warn you." Mindy takes a breath afterwards, since she was talking pretty fast and barely took a breath.

"Thank you Mindy." Tyler goes over to sit on the bed slowly.

"I'll help however I can. We'll all help. The other nurses, I mean." She smiles at him sympathetically. He nods and she leaves the room.

Tyler takes a deep breath and looks up at Jenna.

"You knew, didn't you?"

Jenna look over at Josh who is looking at the ground.

"You both knew?" Tyler looks at them in shock and a little bit of anger.

Josh nods with a look of guilt, fiddling with his fingers.

"That's why you never gave me my phone back. That's why you both had that look on your faces when you surprised me on my birthday. It makes sense now. The only thing that doesn't make sense is why no one told me. Why didn't you tell me?" Jenna feels slightly guilty since Tyler looks a little hurt. But she knows why she didn't tell him.

"Dude, you just had a baby and we didn't want you to be super stressed out. Besides, you needed to relax and enjoy yourself." Josh says quietly. Jenna agrees with Josh.

Tyler just sighs and shakes his head, gently rocking Daniel from side to side. "I'm just going to make a statement. I can't hide for any longer and the clique deserves answers. I just want peace and this is the only way. I really don't care what people think anymore." Tyler admits with an expression of disinterest.

"Are you sure because we can always-"

"Yes, Jenna, I'm sure. I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm tired of hiding and I just want to go home." He looks up at Josh and Jenna with tired eyes.

"If that's what you want then…okay." Josh sighs and picks up the bags that were on the floor.

Tyler nods staring at the floor.

They step out of the elevator, Tyler confidently leads the way, ready to answer some questions and ready for this to be over.

He stops, goes over to Mindy, and smiles at her. "Thank you for your help and thank you for being so generous and understanding to me. I appreciate it deeply." Tyler keeps smiling and turns away.

Before exiting the building, Tyler hands Daniel off to Jenna. Daniel starts crying. "Please try to get to the car."

Jenna nods. He's ready for this.

He walks slowly out the door, still hurting from being cut open three days prior. Once he gets outside, he is greeted with a breath of fresh air and also by multiple flashing cameras and microphones being shoved in his face. Questions are being thrown his way from every direction.

"Tyler! Tyler! Where have you been for the past 2 years?"

"Tyler! Are the rumors true that you were pregnant? Why did you keep it from your fans?"

"Why didn't you say anything about the pregnancy?"

"How is that possible?"

"Tyler! Tyler!-"

"Okay! Okay! To answer all of your questions, I have been home for the past 2 years. If you didn't know already, Jenna and I had previously lost our baby in a car accident, and we were dealing with that for a while. It wasn't easy, but we're better now. About a year ago, I found out that I could become pregnant due to an abnormality in my chromosomes. I wasn't comfortable telling the clique, let alone the world about this, because I was insecure about what other people would think, so I hid.

"And I had my son. That's why I'm here. I'm a dad and I'm proud. I love my son and I wouldn't change anything that happened. I felt that I owed answers to my fans. I've been gone for a while, but I'm coming back. We're coming back. I just ask that everyone will please give me, Josh and my family some space in this time. I ask that you all would please be respectful of our privacy. And please stay alive." Tyler finishes off his speech and turns around to make his way to the car.

They begin to ask more questions, but Tyler is done talking to them. He said what he needed to say and he was done. He felt relieved knowing that he didn't have to hide anything anymore.

The paparazzi follows him to the car where Josh and Jenna are waiting for him. He slides into the back beside Daniel's car seat and watches the small boy.

"I'm really proud of you. and I'm sorry you had to do that alone." Jenna turns in her seat to look at Tyler. He gives her a halfhearted smile and looks out the window.

He has a feeling that this isn't over.

*

 

_ December 5, 1:35 am _

Daniel's cries fill the dark room.

Tyler's eyes snap open from a strange dream about him and Josh onstage. He feels Jenna move beside him and get up.

After a minute or two, Daniel stops and calms down, but Tyler can still hear his baby boy whimpering.

He suddenly feels the warm body of his son on his chest. He gently folds his hands around the small boy. His breathing is fast and frantic, but it slowly starts to calm down.

Jenna crawls back into bed next to him, sighing.

"You know it's gonna be like this for a while." Jenna pulls the sheets over her.

"Yeah..." But it's worth it for his son.

*

 

Tyler isn't feeling well. He hasn't felt well for the past 3 days. Maybe it's due to the lack of sleep he gets from Daniel, or that he's always stressing out and worrying about Jenna and the clique and his family.

He worries about Jenna because she always takes the load for Tyler. She's always working and doing stuff for him, no matter how tired she is.

Dr. Fem told him about post-partum depression and how he should go to therapy or whatever. Tyler knows it's important that he goes to therapy, but...he doesn't feel like going anywhere.

He's dealt with depression. That's what his songs were based around when he started making music. He can feel it coming on but he doesn't feel like he can get out of it.

It's like being drowned. He felt like he went under and he's stuck now. Like someone is holding him under and he's slowly giving up, this time not trying to get away. It's a choking feeling. He's been relieved of his happiness and he’s falling again.

Everything seems grayer, sadder. He still finds joy in being around Jenna and Daniel and Josh, but…not as much as he should be. He's spent the past three days laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about bad things that he wants to refuse. But they just keep replenishing themselves in place of ones that he gets rid of.

It reminds him of when he was 17. It wasn't a good time at all. It was terrible to constantly question his life and his faith. Constantly considering the worst fate for him and wondering if living another day was worth it. He's thankful that he stayed alive because he saved other people's lives and he's gotten so far with Josh.

But it was easy to slip into it. He got too comfortable with his depression. He can't go back to that. No, he can't go back…

Daniel starts whining. Jenna went to go get Tyler his pain medication from CVS and Josh had gone to meet with Debby.

He's glad that they were going to meet honestly. Josh was so happy when he and Debby were dating. He doesn't think they were getting back together or anything, but he knew that Josh needed some time with her.

Tyler’s left alone with Daniel. He sits up and dangles his feet over the side of the bed. Daniel cries now. Tyler stands up slowly, feeling weightless. His feet and legs aren't there with him so he collapses to the ground into a sad heap without purpose.

He hears the pleading cry of Daniel and begins to cry too. They're in the same place; desperately calling for help, but only being able to cry.

He slowly stands up and goes over to Daniel's crib. He picks up the boy and holds him. The tears from Tyler's face falling onto Daniel's.

"I'm sorry Danny, I'm so sorry..." He slides to the floor with his back against the wall and his son in his arms. His stomach is sore from the procedure still and everything hurts.

Physically and mentally.

*

 

"Hi Josh!" Debby goes in to hug her ex.

"Hey Debs." He graciously hugs her back. They've decided to stay friends since the distance between them was too great.

They had planned to meet at a nearby Starbucks since Josh needed his daily coffee. And of course, they wore disguises to mask their identities from the public eye.

"How've you been? How's the break?" Debby leans over the table they picked that is placed in a corner.

Josh smiles at the amount of interest that rests in Debby's eyes. Josh thinks that she has some of the prettiest pair of eyes and the prettiest smile. She's the prettiest girl in Josh's eyes.

"It's great! Considering the fact that we came off of a year long tour. But that was two years ago..." Josh trails off. It feels like it was more like he quit. But he knew it wasn't that way.

"Yeah, I get it. So hey, how's Tyler? Is everything okay? You kinda went off the grid and then paparazzi comes in. I just want to know if you guys are okay. I was worried when Jenna got into that accident and...you know...you just disappeared. I don't know, I just worry sometimes." Debby rambles. She missed Josh when he was gone and she always thought about him while they were gone.

"We're good, don't worry. Tyler...he's been better. Jenna's good too. How's touring been for you?" Josh is trying to focus on her because he feels uncomfortable with all the attention on him.

“Great actually. The people are great and my…fans? They’re more like family to me. Anyway, they’re supper supportive and wonderful. It’s just surreal to be able to do this.” The smile on her face makes Josh smile. Debby’s smile is contagious to Josh. She’ll smile, then he’ll smile and they’ll end up smiling like two fools.

“Yeah, I understand that…” Josh’s phone buzzes, indicating a text was sent his way. He glances at his phone to see who messaged him.

**Tyler: Josh I really need help I can’t do this anymore please help I don’t think I can keep going. I’m sorry for bothering you.**

Josh’s smile disappears in an instant. Tyler is in trouble. He might hurt himself. This text tells him that he needs to go, no matter how much he wants to stay with Debby, no matter how much he’s missed her, Tyler is more important right now.

“Debby, I-I have to go. Tyler-He’s in trouble and I have to go.” Josh stands up, gathering his jacket and looking at Debby. “I’m sorry, but I gotta go. I’ll catch up with you later. I-I love you.” He says absentmindedly as he runs out of the coffee shop.

Debby smiles sadly, looking after him as he runs out. The thing that she loves about Josh is that he’s compassionate. He puts others wants before his own, even if he isn’t doing well. He’s a selfless person and she loves that about him. The only thing that she hates is the fact that they aren’t together.

“I love you too…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost over frens...Maybe like 2 more chapters???


	11. Can you wash me? Can you drown me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "Drown" by Tyler Joseph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter contains some triggering components so just a warning before you go into this. Please be careful while reading this. 
> 
> Usually, writing is how I get all my sadness out so that's why this took such a drastic turn. I'm so sorry for this...It just happens sometimes when I write...
> 
> It'll get better in the next chapter which happens to be the last chapter of the story. but I'm working on a second part for this so...I dunno.

Jenna walks into the house, tired, ready to take a long nap. She takes the grocery bag with Tyler’s medicine and a water bottle with her, slowly up the stairs.

When she opens the door, she gasps, seeing Tyler on the floor, crying with Daniel in his arms.

Two things run through her head: Something’s wrong with Daniel, or something’s wrong with Tyler.

“Tyler…” she caresses his face in sympathy, knowing that he’s going through a rough patch in his life again. “Let me see him, you go lay back down. I got your medicine.”

His wife grabs their son from him and stands up, leading the drained man to bed and laying him down.

“Rest baby. I’ll be downstairs.”

*

Josh runs into the house, looking around for his best friend. He doesn’t know if Tyler is okay, he doesn’t know where he is. He doesn’t know if Tyler’s done anything to himself. He can’t live with that. Knowing that Tyler needed his help, but he didn’t get there on time and he didn’t help. He feels like he never helps.

“Tyler!” He yells into the house, not expecting Jenna to be downstairs, sitting on the couch with Daniel in her arms.

“Josh-Josh it’s okay…he’s upstairs sleeping, he’s okay.” Jenna calms him down before he yells again.

The drummer sighs, breaking down and falling to the floor. He begins to cry silently, feeling hopeless. He can’t help anybody if he tried. What would’ve happened if Jenna didn’t come when she did?

“I’m so sorry…” He says, his tears hitting the ground, “I’m sorry I failed you…”

*

“Welcome to your first session Tyler.” The therapist says.

He says nothing.

“So, how are you feeling right now?”

“I’m fine.”

“Tyler, if you were fine you wouldn’t be here.”

Tyler stares at the woman sitting in front of him, staring into him, exploring his thoughts.

“I’m…gone…”

“Gone? Explain what you mean by that.”

“I’m out of my head…I just can’t think anymore…I feel like…My son, I just had a baby…I don’t want to fail him…he’s young and I don’t want to ruin his life…”

“What makes you think that you would?”

“I…I’m such…I’m such a screw up…I just don’t want to…I don’t wanna…I don’t…”

“Tyler, it’s okay to cry. If you don’t cry anywhere else, you can cry here.”

With that, the singer lets his tears go.

“I don’t want to be a bad father and I want him to love me…and I love him so much…”

“Well, do you think there’s anything you want to do to charge that?”

Nothing from Tyler.

*

He drifts in and out of consciousness as he hears the cries of his son and feels the weight of the bed shift under him. He wants to help, but he doesn’t feel like moving anymore. He doesn’t feel like it’s worth breathing anymore.

Jenna swiftly walks through the room, retrieving her son from the crib, rocking him from side to side.

It’s one of those tough nights where Jenna can barely drag herself out of bed because she’s so tired, but she has to because of Daniel, because her son is dependent upon her and because her husband needs her to.

“We’ll get better baby…” she whispers to her son. She begins to hum a random tune to soothe the cries of the baby boy, and to help her cope.

“We will…”

*

The mirror. The big mirror in their bathroom where he stands and stares at himself. Looking at his chest and at the stretch marks around his stomach. He sees the scar from his procedure, a mark that won’t ever go away. The mark that proves that he isn’t like the other guys. Not like his dad or his brothers, or Josh. No, he’s different. He hates it. He hates everything about himself. How fat he is, how tired he looks even though he’s practically useless. How the stretch marks scatter his skin. How his legs won’t go back to the size they were before this happened. How his hands shake when he picks up the razor on the bathroom counter. How his other hand locks the door. How his brain tells him that he’s completely worthless. How his heart agrees with his brain.

How he allows the razor to draw a picture on his wrist. How he ignores the tattoo on his wrist. How the blood from the lines drain into the sink. How he cries like the coward he is as the pain washes away like the sin from his wrists.

He covers up. Trying not to bleed to death. Thinking of his son and his wife and his best friend. He’s only living for them.

He washes the sink out, getting rid of the evidence and he hides his blade.

He hides the pain.

*

 

She noticed that the spark in his eyes had disappeared. It vanished a few days after they got home. Nothing really made him happy.

He’d smile to fake it, but she could clearly see through his charade.

“Tyler…” She calls to him, “Are you okay?”

He slides out of the bathroom, pulling the sleeves of his yellow hoodie down, “Uhh…yeah…” He hesitates. He hasn’t been okay for a while. He’d just finished doing it again, taking the pain away again.

“Are you gonna come down and eat?” She questions, standing in the doorway to their room.

“No…I-I’m not…hungry…I’ll just watch…Danny.” He lies to his wife. He is hungry. He has been for the past 3 days that he’s gone without food. He doesn’t want to eat because he feels fat, he knows that Jenna thinks so too. And Josh as well.

“Tyler…please eat something baby…I-I want you to eat something. You need to…” She pleads, crossing her arms. She’s so worried about him. He hasn’t left the room for much of anything and it hurts for her to see him like this, struggling to get out of bed in the morning, crying almost every day.

“No…Jenna…Just-just go without me…I’m f-fine.”

*

“Hello Tyler.”

Nothing.

“How are you feeling today?”

He doesn’t even try.

“Do you feel better or worse.”

Staring at his hands helps him get through the session quicker.

“Tyler?”

Nothing comes from his mouth. He hasn’t spoken all day and he doesn’t plan to.

“Tyler, it’s okay to talk to me.”

*

 

The mirror, once more. He looks at himself this time. Getting close to being too underweight. He still doesn’t feel like he’s good enough. Just because his ribs are practically sticking out of his chest, doesn’t mean that he’s skinny enough. Just because he constantly feels like he’s gonna pass out, doesn’t mean that he’s skinny enough. Just because he hits the floor because he’s too weak to stand, doesn’t mean he’s skinny enough. It doesn’t in his mind. It means that he’s not trying hard enough. It means that he still believes that Jenna won’t love him because he’s too fat for her.

Just because he cries, thinking that he might die, doesn’t mean he’ll stop. Just because Josh barges into the bathroom and sees him in a fetal position, holding onto health, doesn’t mean that he wants to stop. Just because his best friend cries over him as his wife dials 911 with tears and shaking hands, doesn’t mean he’s gonna stop. Just because his wife tries to speak encouraging words to him to try and make him feel worth something, doesn’t mean he feels better. It doesn’t.

The ambulance comes to take Tyler away. Jenna goes with him, sobbing in the front seat of the ambulance beside the driver. Josh wants to come, but he watches over Daniel who sleeps, too innocent to know what’s going on, too young to comprehend why Josh cries into his cup of coffee or why he punches the wall screaming.

He’s too young.

*

Back from the hospital. He lays in bed. Not moving, barely breathing even. He feels the same. The doctors proved nothing to him. No warning they give to him proves that he’s good enough. No cautionary words towards him makes him feel like he’s worth something.

Nothing.

*

 

“Josh!” She calls the drummer to her room, frantic to get him up there.

He runs to their room, panicking.

“He’s in there…”

Josh frowns and opens the bathroom door before Tyler can lock it. The singer looks up, surprised that anybody came for him, cursing himself for not locking the door. He looks to Josh with puffy eyes, pulling his sweatshirt down.

“Don’t look at me…”

Josh just goes in and hugs his best friend, holding his fragile frame in his arms as he tries to be strong. Jenna comes in as well, hugging her husband who sobs loudly.

“Tyler, you’re beautiful…don’t doubt that…” Jenna speaks softly.

“I’m fat…I’m a fat, ugly pig and you know it…” He cries, holding onto Josh.

“You aren’t Ty, I promise you aren’t, please don’t say that…” Josh can’t let go of him. He’s too afraid that if he does, he won’t be able to get him back.

“Yes, I am…and you think so too.”

“Tyler no! You’re not. You’re starving yourself to death, you aren’t fat! Please just look at yourself! R-really, you’re killing yourself! Don’t…I…we need you Tyler.” Josh confesses once more.

“Please…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too depressing  
> stay safe frens...  
> If you need to talk, the only thing I have is Pinterest (@Welcometomymemeshop) but my dms are open there anytime you need


	12. Stay alive, stay alive for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'truce' by twenty one pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a pretty short chapter...but it's also the last chapter

**5 months later**

_We don’t believe what’s on tv._

_Because it’s what they want to see._

_And what we want we know we can’t believe._

_We have all learned to kill our dreams…_

He whispers to his son who sits on his lap. He smiles for the first time in a long while.

Jenna comes downstairs and smiles, tears running down her face.

Josh follows behind her, smiling.

“Josh…oh my goodness…he smiled…” She whispers, wiping tears from her face, “He’s coming back.”

*

The first time in months, he wears just a regular t-shirt without his hoodie. Going out with his wife and his son, driving for the first time in months. Genuinely smiling for one of the first times in months.

Happiness is back.

“Ty, where are we going?” Jenna asks looking out the window at the unfamiliar scene.

“It’s a surprise.”

*

They pull up to a mass of trees that hide a secret in the middle of it. Tyler grins like a fool as he gets out of the car and opens Jenna’s door like a gentleman. She smiles at him, taking their baby out of the car, holding him in her arms.

“Can I see him?” She gladly hands Daniel over to him, happy that he’s happy and willing to do things again.

“Follow me!” He smiles running into the patch of trees with Daniel. Jenna runs after him laughing, spinning around, feeling joyful.

She runs in, coming to a clearing where Tyler sits on a picnic blanket, surrounded by Christmas lights that drape on the trees. There’s a small pond next to where the setup is. The grass is the greenest that Jenna has ever seen in her entire life. Tyler sits crisscross with Daniel sitting in his lap, pulling at the checkered blanket.

“Surprise!” He says, beaming, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his smile. Daniel reaches for his face, accidently hitting him in the cheek, and he giggles.

Jenna laughs, going over to her husband and crouching down to kiss him. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you way more.”

*

They finish their dinner and Jenna looks at Tyler, admiring him and his happiness. She stares at his hands for some reason looking at his tattoos. She notices something though, something troubling: Scars. Scars that line his wrists. But she’s never seen these ones before. They don’t seem too new, but she wishes she could’ve known, done something to stop it from happening. She doesn’t want to say anything to ruin the mood. She purses her lips and hides her concern with a smile.

“This is so beautiful Tyler. I love this.” She scoots over to sit beside him. She watches her son who reaches for her and smiles, showing all gums and dimples.

“We’re doing good Ty.” She admits.

“Yeah…I love this. I love him, and I especially love you.” He gives her a kiss on the lips.

They sit together with their son in between them, watching the sun go down, and the night roll in softly.

*

 

“It’s good to be back here again.” The crowd cheers for him and his best friend who hits his drums in response.

“I have a son now! I’m a dad now and it’s been so wonderful so far, and I didn’t expect anything less from this. It was certainly a _new_ and very very _frightening_ experience. For all of us. And hopefully you know why. But that really doesn’t matter at the moment. Anyway, this show is very special to us both.” He gestures to the man on the drums, who taps at his cymbals.

“Josh and I, we missed this, we missed playing shows for you. But you know what? I have a small surprise.” Tyler smiles looking to the right side of the stage.

A small, slightly frightened Daniel, slowly stumbles onto stage, his tiny legs barely stable enough to carry him. He looks at the crowd and cowers away, afraid of the unfamiliar faces. He looks up and sees Josh first, then his father and smiles, running up to him and holding onto his leg. The singer picks his son up and swings him around. The crowd simultaneously awes at the scene.

“This is my son. Daniel Joshua Joseph. Say hi Danny.” The brunette considers the crowd. Tyler gestures a wave and the small boy follows his gesture.

Jenna comes out onto the stage as well. The singer looks over and grins at his wife. “Give it up to my dime-piece wife.”

The crowd cheers at them. This feels good. This overwhelming feeling of support by them reassures Tyler that he has people on his side. It makes his cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

“This is my family,” He sighs, “But you are too.”

“Thank you for sticking around.”

*

_THE END_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness guys! This seems to be the end of this...I honestly didn't expect this to get as much attention as it did. Like woah, for real. I made this weird thing last year and put it up here to get rid of it, and i'm glad somebody enjoyed it!   
> Well, I made a second part to this, so that's gonna be a thing too. It's just...a thingy, I dunno.  
> Anywho, thank you to all you lovely people who stuck around for this.  
> Hey if you ever wanna talk, just DM me on my instagram; @ill_be_holding_onto_you (You don't have to follow, we can just talk or whatever XD)  
> Thanks for sticking around.  
> Stay street  
> And most importantly, stay alive


End file.
